:45 minutes on the bike

Last Saturday morning I rode a bike for forty five minutes. It is cooler now, these last few days, but the tail end of last week was different. It had become suddenly hot again in Phoenix. A/C ran more Friday night than it had in a week. So much for fall.

I had a bit of time, and I took it. I rode that morning for the first time in forever. Or so it seemed.

Just kitting up was a chore. Imagine the choleric expenditure associated with shoehorning my fat ass into lycra. I actually used to do this? On purpose?

Man. Choose the Fondriest. Fixed. TR tubes. Nothing can go wrong. All I need is to get the thing through the door without somehow managing to bear trap myself with the fucking thing.


Not the best photo I’ve taken, but it’s the only photo I have of that moment. Someday cell phone camera’s are going to light the world on fire. As for now, they’re just marginally adequate. Much like myself.

Helmet. Shoes. Sunglasses. Driveway. Go.

Man, it has been a long time. The legs are wooden. The legs are smaller. The jersey isn’t tighter, save in the arms. I guess the pipe stems are a thing of the past. Who knew 12 ounce descending curls made your biceps bigger?

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

12 thoughts on “:45 minutes on the bike

  1. You pussies in AZ can complain about the November heat all you want, I’ll be out riding, 44 degrees and light rain. My feet will be completely numb by the time I get home. Again.

  2. Ride whenever you can, it will keep you sane and make you strong. Even a 90 year old woman can curl 5 lbs, which is 6x more than 12oz.
    Here in the Northwest, we’re in the ‘socked in’ season. Rain followed by more rain, and then a chance of rain, followed by overcast periods of no rain.
    The sun is a thing to look forward to.

  3. almost as bad as the rain itself, is having to ride the rain bike. She’s heavy and slow,but ya pretty much gotta run disc brakes… Pacific Northwest hardcores will use up a set of wheels in one winter with rim brakes.

  4. Congrats on getting out for a ride at all. Single and childless folks tend to lose sight of how rare such opportunities are. When they latch onto some minor infraction in their eyes (“You’re wearing last year’s jersey?”), it’s a bit, um, much.

  5. Goddam that shit really cracked me up for some reason. Somethin’ about “the choleric expenditure associated with shoehorning my fat ass into lycra” and “getting the thing through the door without somehow managing to bear trap myself with the fucking thing” I could really relate to. There was a cross race up here this past weekend and I got some inquiries as to whether I was attending. Upon consideration I realized that I had ridden a bike (any bike) exactly 5 times since June. Grated, they were good ones; Leadville, SSWC09, the local Old Fashioned MTB race,and the M2D-Telluride to Moab roadie (yes, only 1 “fun” ride in 5 months). That averages out to, well, once a month, I don’t even deserve to go get my ass kicked with a record like that, much less take a chance at crushing some poor beginner kids ego. So I drank heavily and woke up way to hung over to even think about such efforts as removing the fenders from my commuter/cx ride, and forget racing. I too think of it as odd that I tend to lose weight when I stop riding, at least initially. All but the guns, something about riding a bike that wards off the development of any features that might be referred to as masculine (guns, pecks, etc). Stop riding (and maybe even shaving) and it is almost like there is just enough of hormone shift to to grow these things without even lifting finger. Call me crazy, it’s just an observation of mine. Anyway, thanks for making me laugh at this tired hour (and for “friending” me on Facebook)! I personally think kids are worth sacrificing some (or all) of our free time for during those key years (that never seem to end). Keep the words flowing, there are lots of us enjoying them. Hope to see ya someday soon, maybe even on bikes!

  6. Another overcommitted dad Says:
    > Congrats on getting out for a ride at all

    Especially considering he has cholera.


    Yeah, whine about the weather. Check these out:



    The first link, MRC Cx in wrentham, ma. Temps in the mid 30’s, an inch of rain that turned to snow by midday. The area got about 3 inches.

    The second link, Down East cross in new gloucester maine, temps in low 40’s, 1.5″ of rain, and yes the little white flecks are snow.

    These two races were 6 days apart.

    44 degrees and light rain? bring it, bitches.

  7. Ya, ya one person’s weather is always worse than the weather for anyone else. One person’s ride is always tougher than all other rides. Riding is good and should be celebrated no matter what the conditions. Cheers to those who have set family as priority and are searching for those 45 minutes. My time is coming.

  8. We thought of you on the Infamous Informal Saturday morning Group ride up here yesterday. If’n you don’t already know, the road out to Lake Mary from town is all finished now. It is kick ass clean, wide and fast. We remarked on the loss of the cattle guards; that little hole on the return ride, 1/2 mile north of the mailboxes?, gone. history. Big Jonny’s Narrow Spot where lives changed forever, gone. No more guard rail, 6 foot bike lane all the way home. Yeah, we got to ride together, again, on a glorious Flagtown autumn day. Life is sweet.