Friday giveth and Friday taketh away

Just remember, no matter how much you think your life sucks (shit job, fucking law school, can’t win a god damn race, girl friend is nuts) at least an ten foot long alligator didn’t rip your arm off just because it felt like it.

Officials say an alligator bit off part of a golfer’s arm as he leaned over to pick up his ball at a private South Carolina course.

The man, who is in his 70s, was retrieving his ball from a pond when the 10-foot alligator bit him at Ocean Creek Golf Course in Beaufort County. The gator pulled the golfer into the pond and ripped off his arm in the struggle. His golf partners were able to free him.

Golf FAIL.

Or, not matter how much you hate life, you could come up with something really cool and find a missile launcher in your back yard.

Jarrette Schule was cutting down trees on his rural property Tuesday in Comal County when he noticed a green metallic tube on the muddy ground.

“I had never seen it before,” said Schule, a 34-year-old Web developer. “I looked at it, and it kind of looked like a missile launcher.”

Schule took a closer look. It was a long, forest-green metal tube. A decal on it read: “Guided Missile and Launcher, Surface Attack.”

The discovery was the start of a surreal journey for Schule. Somehow, an unarmed anti-tank weapon — or a very good fake — wound up on his land at Beck Road and Kirk Lane in the Hill Country, miles away from a military installation.

The launcher was deep in the wooded property far from the road, in an area he was familiar with.

“I don’t know if it fell out of something or if somebody just dumped it,” Schule said. “There’s some crazy whitetail hunters around here. Maybe they’re going overboard?”

Yard work WIN.

Life, it seems, for most of us is somewhere between FAIL and WIN. Go figure, it’s nice and safe in the middle of the herd.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

2 thoughts on “Friday giveth and Friday taketh away

  1. Chubbs: Back in 1965, Sports Illustrated said I was going to be the next Arnold Palmer.
    Happy Gilmore: Yeah? What happened?
    Chubbs: They wouldn’t let me play on the Pro Tour anymore.
    Happy Gilmore: Ah, I’m sorry. Because you’re black?
    Chubbs: Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my hand off!