Saturday doesn’t know what hit her

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Some lucky couple christened one the Dallas Cowboys stadium’s new bathroom stalls the other week. Gnarly. They just took home the Whiskey Tango Lifetime Achievement award. Link with video. Some things are better left unseen. Trust me.

I love this next one. Hey, tough guy. Nice rig. Way USA, right? Your Hummer just went tits up. And GM sold it.

It’s official — lovers of big, honkin’ gas-guzzlin’ all-American Detroit SUVs, get out of your foreign communist cars. Hummer belongs to the Chinese.

[This] may mean Hummer’s image will take a hit. According to Car and Driver, A recent study in the Journal of Consumer Research showed that “people may choose the Hummer image of super consumption as their way of showing their ‘full-blooded American-ness.'” With Hummer sales down more than 60 percent this year, the automaker is already struggling — and it isn’t clear what Chinese ownership might do to its reputation.

It’s like Christmas came early.

Drill here, drill now, please buy this money pit.

From: Legs.
Subject: Are you looking to buy a koala?

Koala Bear (Aurora)

Date: 2009-09-29, 11:03AM MDT
Reply to:

I have a three year old Koala Bear named GumNut, that I’m desperately trying to find a new home for. I bought him back in January figuring it would be an awesome pet that would enjoy living in my greenhouse, sadly I was wrong. I paid $3200 for him back in January and I’am not sure what the used Koala Bear market is like in a good economy or the one we have now; so I’am open to offers. Please use some common sense before contacting me, don’t be an idiot, I’am not interested in trading my Koala Bear for your busted up 1980’s Camero, pictures of your naked wife, or an offer to paint my garage door.

GumNut’s Stats:

The Good

*He is somewhat housebroken, uses a cat box most of the time.
*For the most part he is very quite; this also falls into the bad category which we will touch on in a moment.
*He eats spiders, (not kidding) we haven’t had a spider in our house since we got him.
*Hates watching Desperate Housewives, used to be my wifes favorite show until GumNut bit her for changing the channel from Jeopardy, to Desperate Housewives.
*Gets along well with one of my two dogs.
*Loves to go for car rides.

Now for the Bad:

*He eats a lot of eucalyptus, which is not as cheap as I expected.
*Apparently eucalyptus is like a drug for Koala Bears, when GumNut is coming down from his high he becomes very violent and aggressive.
*He raped and killed my wife’s cat “Miss. Kitty'” (Honestly, I wanted to put this in the good section because I’ve been trying to find a way to get that worthless cat out of our house for two years, thanks GumNut.)
*He does not like Asian’s, I have no idea where this Koala was raised but someone of Asian Decent must have really mistreated him.
*Loves Vin Diesel movies, not sure why, he just does.
*Has extremely sharp claws and teeth which he uses often.
*Loves shiny objects, steals and hides them frequently in my dog’s ass.
*He is quite, and as a result has snuck in on my wife and I during intimate moments. I mind him watching; maybe it won’t bother you as much.
* GumNut smells terrible and is not easy to wash. I had to hold a gas soaked rag over his mouth till he blacked out to get him in this tub for a bath.
*Once he is in the water he is fine, getting him into the water is a challenge, he will scratch you, he will bite you, and you will bleed.

And, finally, I’ll round out this post with a nice little gallery of horrors. Run your eyes over 30 bizarre family photos.

I’d write something all snappy and Liberal and shit like “good night and good luck,” but it’s 11:30 in the morning and I don’t care. Go Phillies. Billy Penn gave up the curse. It’s on, Denver. Bring it. I even bought a new hat.


Update: Tonight’s game just got pushed back.

“Game 3 of the Phillies-Rockies playoff on Saturday night has been postponed because of cold, snowy weather.

Major League Baseball rescheduled the game for Sunday night at 10:07 p.m. ET, and Game 4 was pushed back to Monday, at a time to be determined. Game 5, if necessary, will be played as scheduled on Tuesday in Philadelphia.”

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

12 Replies to “Saturday doesn’t know what hit her”

  1. That Cowboys video reminds me of something my buddy’s wife said:

    “Men are like tile floors. Lay ’em right the first time and you can walk all over ’em.”

    Of course my adhesive came loose many years ago, but that’s another story for another time.

  2. HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Cowboys stall fucking mixed with Hummer going far east mixed with the super pimp wheels I built today for a buddy and the free beer I got for doing it… does it get any better? Really?

  3. the hummer shit is full swing. as if they still held any resale value, any of that which was remaining just got swept out from under the pigs.

    And to boot – GM is going to start retailing chinese cars in the next couple years. they are already using chinese engines in a few of their common vehicles like the equinox.

  4. I woulda gone in the next stall and started pissing on the floor. get that shit in her hair. when her man gets all angry, tell him “A gentleman wouldn’t have his lady lie on the fucking floor, you asshole. whaddya gonna do, call a cop? Go ahead.”

    Dirtbag redneck deserved to get pissed on.

  5. That’s nasty. bikepunk’s right, no ladies gonna lay down on a nasty public bathroom floor. There are other positions if the stadium gets you in the mood ya know, positions where you can stay upright, keep clean and try to maintain a little dignity.

  6. “That’s nasty. bikepunk’s right, no ladies gonna lay down on a nasty public bathroom floor. There are other positions if the stadium gets you in the mood ya know, positions where you can stay upright, keep clean and try to maintain a little dignity.”

    yeah, like the hotdog stand….