And we’ll all have gold-plated toilet seats when we get to America.

I sit here a few hours away from getting on the highway to go build some bicycles for the Americans. I’m back in the Circle Mine again and happy to be. I’ve somehow always been able to count on bikes pretty much being the same, me still having all my fingers, and the pay being just enough to keep me off of food stamps.

This joint is a far cry from the Arizona Salt mine, but there are some similarities, namely the foreigners with whom I have the pleasure of turning wrenches. At the AZ salt mine there was a fucked up import of an owner — a pudged-out, pepperoni-neck with a calzone for a brain that came to America or Canada or some shit with a crescent wrench and a block of parmesan, raced a couple of crits back in the 70’s and then somehow made a go of the whole cycling biz. At the Circle Mine we have Henry. Equally epic, but in other ways. Henry came to America with a hook spanner, a goat, some children, and a block of Fresca. Same story, different cheese. He’s pretty legendary at the Circle Mine and all of its satellite mineshafts for things like saving copper staples out of bicycle boxes, hoarding aluminum cable tips, traveling 3 hours a day round-trip via bus to earn $20 — you know: hard-headed, foreign dewd shit like that. One thing in common between Mr. Pepperoni and Captain Chorizo is that they’ve both been in the country for a couple of decades and would still probably get D’s in ESL class.

Whatever.  I’m not trying to say anything harsh about undocumented residentos in specific. They bring a much needed dose of culture to our cardboard empire. I’m simply saying that one of the beauties of our continually evolving culture is the chance to get to work with such characters.  I’m pretty sure that Henry, Domenic Mr. Pepperoni, and any cracker-ass-college-jock bike shop dewd could laugh for hours together at the shape of banana. Maybe my next rant can be about how that kind of stupid shit unquestionably insures a pathetically female-free workplace.

Go America.


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About Snake Hawk

good, bad, funny, sad, stupid, rad, has, had. non-joining funhaver from coast to coast(er brake). buster of the chops, drawer of the logos. North Carolina, USA

14 thoughts on “And we’ll all have gold-plated toilet seats when we get to America.

  1. Gubba gubba gubba, dont be fooled for a second Pepperoni was backed by probably one of the sharpest business women of all time. Mrs. Pepperoni was the scalpel and Gubba Gubba Gubba was the smoke and mirrors….

  2. We never laughed at the sight of a banana – cause yall were so pissed that I ate them all and licked the peanut butter jar clean before 10 AM. All I ever saw were a bunch of my hung over salty friends, one transient(swill), one gi-normous wrecking ball ass(big kitch pissed that someone left a bagel crumb on his bench), and an ugly overeducated old dude. scowls. All the time. Just fill someones tubes solid with water and see how long it takes them to notice. And please watch out for any lawnmowers that may be cold blooded and difficult to start.

  3. That is a hash pipe . You can get that online . Its simular to a chamber pipe .Just pull the trigger and cough …………

  4. I will now and forevermore laugh at the shape of a banana. Damn you that shit is hi-larious. You shape of a fruitbowl chin face.

  5. Would you say that your forestock weighs a ton? …or just it’s weight in gold?

  6. And as of today you can legally take that puppy into an Arizona bar with you, long as you conceal it.

    Although it is still not legal to shoot anybody with it, without the appropriate provocation.

    Those chicken-shit socialist homosexual legislators still won’t let you take it into a school though.

  7. You say female-free workplace. That’s too bad. Not to brag or anything, but the shop I work at has 3 chicks working there and has a possibility of a fourth coming back to work. All are well worth looking at and know at least something technical about a bike. Now tell me how awkward is that for a bike shop? Shit, now that I think about it, that would make it 50:50 males to females not including the owner. Wow.