Self Pity, Self Assurance, Self Worth, Self Esteam, Self Respect, Self Regard

Do this, do that, dont go over there, dont touch that, he said this, you said that, look at them, look at me, he did that, she did what, who are you, go up, go down, dont touch, dont walk, dont run, no diving, too fast, too slow, too hot, too cold, run, jump, kick, scream, shit, puke, eat, sleep, nap, bike, dont bike, road, mountain, tri, TT, track, truck, car, semi, signs, yield, stop, turn, go, back, forward, write, type, check, cash, charge, IOU, swim, hike, fly, get high, sober up, cry, smile, look up, dig,

Am I what?

Am I?

She said that when I wrote I had a conscious stream of thought that hit the paper like a cat spraying piss all over the wall.

I say just be. Today has the feeling of angst that you can only get from 3 or 4 sleepless nights in a row. Where everyone around you goes to bed at 11 and you go with them. But when you lay there and watch the clock tick over till midnight your like fuck it and you get up. You look for shit to do. You clean, you straighten things up, you wander around, you surf the net, you send emails to people that have been waiting for reply’s, you clean your bikes, you change flats,you true wheels, you oil chains in the hopes of getting to ride some day. You think about the future and what will become of you. You dream if your lucky and you think about days gone by. You think about your self worth. You try to figure shit out. But you cant. You can figure it out. You dont know enough. You know enough just to make you want more, or better. JUST BE. It sounds so easy but its not. Especially when its at 4 in the morning and you have to get up and function at 5. Sleep never comes easy to the racing mind. They said that all this shit you could buy would make you happy, well did it? Hell no, it just got in the way of everything else that was in the way. Find the way son, find the way. Grass is greener on the other side.

Secret to life? Keep reading douche bag,

Your right, we are out to get you, now start fucking running.

Fuck it, have a great weekend everybody, see you on Monday.

Snake

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About Snake

Tucson, Arizona, USA

9 thoughts on “Self Pity, Self Assurance, Self Worth, Self Esteam, Self Respect, Self Regard

  1. sounds like you need some REBT work. Albert Ellis baby…he’s my hero. the end of suffering may be nirvana, but the way is to learn to think rationally about things.

    check out micah perkins rational radio podcasts. good stuff.

    learn it, do it, live it.

    then go to sleep.

    thanks
    burt

  2. just ride, baby.

    This week was filled with 12 hour workdays desparately attempting to save a $200,000 yearly account. When I got out of the shop yesterday, I went straight to the trails and my favorite singlespeed. 3 hours later, I felt MUCH better.

  3. …thinkin’ about stuff makes ya crazy but just doin’ stuff finally clears the table…

    …then ya go for that ride n’ everything gets defused ‘cuz yer havin’ a great time & afterward ya think “how the fuck did i get so tangled up in that crap ???”

    …so, then it’s all good ’til “next time”…