Plaxico Burress is going on a little vacation


Former New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress pleaded guilty Thursday to a weapons charge and agreed to a two-year prison term for accidentally shooting himself at a Manhattan nightclub.

Burress pleaded guilty to one count of attempted criminal possession of a weapon, a lesser charge than he initially faced. Under a plea agreement, he agreed to a two-year prison sentence and two years of supervised release.

Burress was indicted earlier this month on two counts of criminal possession of a weapon and one count of reckless endangerment. He faced a minimum sentence of 3½ years if convicted at a trial.

If he can just manage to kill a few dogs on top of shooting himself, I think the Eagles will find a spot for him upon his release. Because you know the “NFL will welcome Plaxico Burress back with open arms.”

Plaxico Burress could be out of prison by May of 2011 when he will be nearly 34 years old and having not been on a football field – other than anything they might have in the the prison yard – for the previous 30 months. Even so, he should have no problem finding a new team that will provide him the opportunity to resume his career as a wide receiver.


And you gotta love his attorney:

Benjamin Brafman, said in court that the 31-year-old Burress was thinking of his family in taking the plea, although he questioned the recommended prison sentence. Afterward, Brafman described Burress as having “an agonizing period of discussion” about taking the plea, but taking it so he could put the whole episode behind him quickly.

“This was not an intentional criminal act,” Brafman said. “In my judgment, a two-year prison sentence is a very severe punishment.”

If carrying a loaded handgun concealed in your waistband isn’t “intentional”, I don’t know what is. Oh, I get it, he didn’t mean to break the law because he was unaware (somehow) that his actions were, in fact, unlawful.

Ignorance is bliss. But, it is no excuse.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

20 thoughts on “Plaxico Burress is going on a little vacation

  1. Every time I hear his name, I have to wonder how his momma came up with it. I have this mental picture in my mind of her in the delivery room, weary with assorted and sundry baby-popping physicalities, trying hard to come up with a name for her new son…when she spies a large plastic container of some sort…manufactured by:_______. Done and done.

    And on the name tip…do you think his lawyer became a lawyer cuz of the ridicule his last name caused him as a child?


  2. I find it interesting that his lawyer essentially wasted two years of the guy’s professional life by perpetuating the fantasy that he had a chance to walk. After the Grand Jury indicted him it was game over. Had he grasped the reality of his situation in a reasonable time frame it’s likely that he could have cut a much more favorable deal.

    That said; tough shit, Plax. Try not to be such a dipshit when you get out. Try not to fumble the soap while you’re in…

  3. Yeah, I think 2 years is kindof steep.

    I mean the guy took a bullet already, that’s gotta be worth something.
    And he’s gonna have to live it down for the rest of his life. Cheney got a lot of shit for shooting a friend, but this guy shot himself. That’s worth a lifetime of disgrace right there.
    Kindof give new meaning to ‘wide reciever’.

    Where did the bullet actually hit him, if he had the thing tucked down his pants… That could be worth a pardon right there.

  4. …jeez…readin’ yer comments at the end of that piece & i’m thinkin’ “juan grande oughta become a lawyer !!!”…oh, really…shit, never mind…

    …anyway, while vick was in, he had some serious shit to think about, knowing a lotta folks were DOWN on his ass…

    …burress is gonna be sittin’ there thinkin “shit…i’m doin’ time ‘cuz i was holdin’ the 9 & the only motherfuckas ass i got to cap was my own !!!…damn, son, that ain’t right…i oughta be takin’ down ‘benny the braf’ for settin’ me up w/ two…& laugh all ya want, motherfuckas, least i got a job making real money when i get outa this shithole”

  5. Don’t worry Big Juan. My man Daniel Snyder loves him some Thugs….especially dumb ones so I am shure the Redskins will pick him up. Maybe they can bring back Jeff George to throw to him

  6. Plex is an idiot to be sure, but the charge is bullshit.

    “…shall not be infringed…” is, apparently, meaningless in New York.


  7. Eh.

    His carried a gun illegal and ended up shooting his own sorry ass. Or leg. Or whatever he shot. 2 years seems kinda steep but he needs to do some time for it.

    But to mention him along with Vick ?

    I call foul.

    Vick was/is a sick fuck who actively harmed.

    Burress was just guilty of general all around dumb fuckery.

    Not the same in any way, shape or form.

    Burress. Do your time and good to go back in the game.

    Vick. Burn baby burn.

  8. ““…shall not be infringed…” is, apparently, meaningless in New York.”

    Burt— out here in the West, the ‘check your weapons at the door’ policy has worked quite well since about the middle of the nineteenth century. Please don’t shoot yourself, dumb fuck.

  9. …burress’s case just happened to work out kinda cosmically & while two (2) does seem steep (in a way), what would we be sayin’ if it worked out that he’d just as accidentally shot & killed someone in the club ???…

    …i understand drunk idiots do like to confront well known athletes but i don’t think that carrying a loaded ‘9’ into a club is the way to solve that…

  10. Isn’t shooting yourself in the leg punishment enough? What the fuck? Shoot yourself by accident because you’re stupid and (not committing a crime) get 2 years prison? But kill a cyclist with your car, get a fine???

  11. Two years for shooting himself. Stalworth kills a pedestrian, gets thirty DAYS and will be competing in the National F&%$#UP League this year.

  12. Hey Colonel – Why so tough on Vic? I mean, I like doggies too, and what he did was sick, but the brother served his time.

    When the NFL let Pac Man back into the league to play, they lost any credibility with regard to the policing of player conduct, IMO. There’s a guy in Vegas who will spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair after getting shot in the neck by one of that scumbag’s homies, yet Pac Man still got to come back and play football. Where in the world does the NFL get off keeping Vic out of the game (or Burris in 2 years) after letting that asstard back?

    BTW – the link was fixed. I’m on an alcohol soaked beach vaca this week and fucking up my own web address is the least of my indiscretions…


  13. ““…shall not be infringed…” is, apparently, meaningless in New York.”

    I don’t know of a single ccw state that allows license holders to drink in bars while carrying. Even Tennessee just started letting people bring guns into bars period.

    Legal arguments aside, I can’t help but savor the irony of a receiver pleading “attempted possession”. Should have have just called it an incomplete.

  14. Art – I agree with you. I was a CCW holder before I moved the the People’s Republic of Maryland, and carrying while drinking or in a bar is not a bright idea, by any stretch of the imagination.

    That said, what Burris is largely guilty of is stupidity. If he was being charged with reckless endangerment or something else I’d support it. That’s not the case, though. He’s being sent to jail for 2 years for the mere possession of a handgun. Isn’t that a right that’s supposed to be protected by some important legal document…?


  15. “He’s being sent to jail for 2 years for the mere possession of a handgun. Isn’t that a right that’s supposed to be protected by some important legal document…?”

    burt— you’re being a moron. Even out here where the buffalo roam, we check our weapons at the door of the bar.

  16. Now I get it. He was making a principled stand for his, and our, Second Amendment rights and shot himself to illustrate the strength of his convictions.

  17. Mikey/John, perhaps you didn’t see the part where I said I’d be okay if Burris were being charged with endangerment…?

    The devil is in the details. Burris is an idiot who deserves to be punished for his asinine behavior, up to and including jail time. That said, the charge was bullshit.


  18. Yo Burt.

    No offense meant. All good on the address. I’ve visited your site for a couple years now and when I clicked on the link and got a 404, I assumed an impostor. Enjoy yer vacation and have one for me.

    Just read the details on Pac Man. I say basically the same as with Burress. He was a dumb fuck is all I see. In this case others did the crime. Let the game begin.

    But Vick ? Fuck him to death. You do NOT mess with dogs. Sorry. I’ve aged to the point where I like them better than people.

  19. 2 years is fine. I have been reading comments from other NFL players and I am glad that he took the 2. They think Joe citizen would have limped out of the bar never been charged. WRONG they would have gotten the 3 plus. NFL and Baseball players need the rats of reality give them a brain check.