i got so damned extreme yesterday raking leaves that i broke two rakes. many people already know this, but mother of fuck, if you throw I-N-G at the end of a word, i will take that word to thence forth mean “world championship of the universe.” that said, i set to task my competitive and diligent work ethic upon rakING. when i snapped the first handle clean from the rake proper, my misses and i had such a great laugh together! “ahhhh hahahah you’re so extreme, baby! you’re so extreme raking leaves and being all kamikaze and shit! hahaha i love you so much baby! you’re so striking and handsome! i’m so glad to be having your child!!!,” she bellowed.
with one rake left and square yard upon yard of yard left to rake, i got back to it. i in all my extremeness managed to snap yet another rake handle in two, at which point her reaction was not so affectionate. she turned suddenly to me and said, “what the fuck is your problem? you’re such a fucking dipshit. it’s like i’m taking care of a 5 year old.” in so many ways, she’s right.
alas- i managed to pick up a spare rake handle at my local branch of The Ace Hardware, as the plywood splint that i had fashioned did finally give up the ghost, and the yard got finished while my exhausted dearest Allison whiled away the rest of the task by napping. Bless her, that sweet girl. She knows just what a mess she has on her hands, and manages to love me anyhow. as a matter of fact, despite my spastic antics we’re getting married this may.
this great life must be a thing of fiction.by