Fixie Love

It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime. What better place than here? What better time than now?

From: The Ethnic
Spotted on a road bike outside a bar in the hood.


I saw a kid walking his bike across the street the other day. You know you’re really hard when you use the crosswalk. Like a man.

He looked like a proper fixie kid. Girl pants. Converse lows. Sweater out of a dumpster. No helmet. Bitch ass pair of sunglasses. Messenger bag even though he can’t even spell messenger. Hoodless style with the cheater brake levers up by the stem. A few spoke cards in the rear wheel. Twenty dollar gift certificate for Starbucks no doubt. And platform pedals. Not even running the baskets. Must be afraid of commitment.

As I sat watching this at a red light I noticed something. His rear wheel was turning and his cranks were not.

This fucking douche is running a freewheel. He is the epitome of “one less fixie”. He’s going against the grain. He’s swimming upstream instead of down. He is the reed which refuses to bend with the wind. He is a hero. Yeah right. He’s a fucking Gap commercial. What’s the next “must have” accessory, fucking vampire teeth?

Jesus titty fucking Christ… when is this shit going to finally stop.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

42 thoughts on “Fixie Love

  1. My bike love is universal, fixie, commuter, old skool roadie, its all good. I am sorry I just find it impossible to hate on anyone who bikes. No, girly pants and messenger bags aint my style but these folks are out chillin, biking on the roads and I am happy they are there. Can’t say I have ever had a card in my spokes or neon green rims but that’s ok – not my preference, not my style. My style – I always ride with a helmet(experience), prefer campy over shimano, ride year round. If your riding a bike its always universal love from me, if your female its universal love plus a little bit of lust thrown in. I draw the line with engines, ride a motorcycle the love is gone. Call your motorcycle a “bike” and buddy you can go straight to hell.

  2. I’m with TC on this one, Jonny. What exactly is wrong with an 80’s steel road bike with a single-speed freewheel? (I’ve got one . . . or two . . .) For urban riding they work great and I’d rather see this kid riding one of those with brakes than a fixie without. Remember Jonny, you and me are both getting old and the kids are bound to disgust us as much as we disgusted people back when it was our turn to do so, so just go with it. They’re riding bikes and that’s what matters! They have completely missed the culture that invented spoke cards and messenger bags, but they are grabbing what works for them in their awkward manner and trying to work out a way to navigate this cemented-in world that we and our parents have given them. I for one wish them all the best.

    Anyway, better this kid was walking across the crosswalk with a mixed-up bike than running you down in the 4×4 his daddy bought him.


  3. This was not an 80’s steel bike. This was a new, aluminum, off the rack, straight stock bike with a flip flop. Even had platform pedals!

    All cowboy and no hat.

    But, you’re right, it wasn’t a jacked up Chevey…

  4. Thanks to folks like him, its just more money in the bike industries waning bank account.
    More people on bikes, more job security for those of us in the trenches.
    At this point, I’ll take what I can get.
    Besides, when was the last time you heard somebody say, ‘I used to ride a bike, but it just wasnt for me’?

    It may be derived as a fashion statement for some, but the meat of the matter is that the bulk of these individuals just might, maybe have found an appreciation for a bicycle that the rest of us have known all along.

  5. BJ, lighten up already.
    This kid isn’t at the wheel of a car with us in the crosshairs.

    Come into the light, all are welcome!

  6. Nope. Sorry. Stay away from the light. That shit will ruin your pale.

    Fixies are crap and should be treated as such.


    This is mine. It cost a 15 dollar donation of cold hard cash to Domenic;s pocket around y2k. In exchange he provided me a USED 27×18 wheeled Nishiki. I spaced out the axle, found a 17t, threw on some open pro’s and turned away hours and years on that shit box. I hated almost every minute of it, and I kept it. The foundation.

    These days, it’s just a freewheeler single. It gets me to the beer with a randomly poping chain that likes to shift itself among the ultegra cassette as needed.

    Fixie was culture. Now it’s just Otter Pop. Whatever.

    One less fixie.

  7. I’d rather people be on bikes instead of in cars, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be allowed to get annoyed with hipster fixie kids. Just a few minutes ago, I almost piled into two of those fuckers while riding through the UofA campus, who were riding the wrong way AND just nonchalantly meandering all over the road, and both of which just appeared out of nowhere. I had to brake hard to avoid them and they both looked at me like I was an asshole. There was a girl next to me who also almost piled into them. If that had resulted in a 4 person crash just so that they could look cool for all the girls walking by, I would have beat the fuck out of them with their own Deep-V wheels.

    I don’t have a problem with anyone looking cool on a bike, no matter what their definition of cool style is – what bothers me is when they do dangerous shit like that and make a bad name for all cyclists, especially in the eyes of motorists. I get particularly bitter about hipster kids because it’s almost always them who I see riding like retards… and also baked out hippies on shitty clunkers who are too high to see the stop signs in front of them.

  8. “Fixie was culture. Now it’s just otter pop”


    i love all bikes. and if one of these hipsters takes up cycling because of this trend then that is good. but when some motherfucker tells me that “you just hate because it’s new” after they just drove their bike on their roof rack to the park to do “tricks” i will stab them in the neck with a presta valve. I’m no old man, but growing up in NY,i’m pretty sure this so called culture has been around for a good long time. before i ever turned a pedal…
    ah well..bikes are good. lets go ride.

  9. We can’t all ride together, buy hey who wants to. But we can stick together. Remember there was a time when Sno-Board meant a wooden ski with a rope on the front and staples to stand on. They were not allowed on the chair lift. Some fads come and go, some just cum.

  10. If you ride a bike you are cool with me… unless you hate on others who ride bikes. United we stand.

  11. Been riding fixed for maybe five years. Got infected by Our Father, Sheldon Brown and just assumed fixed was what curmudgeonly old men rode. Being one, I did. It never dawned on me until maybe a year ago that fixed was a hipster thing. Which it’s not. Fixed gear suits the type of riding that I do, and it feels more natural to me in those conditions than a freewheel bike. Of which I also have afew; some with a multitude of gears. Ummmm, what were we talking about?

  12. Damn you kids get the hell off my lawn! With your Dan Fogleberg! With your sister’s pants!

  13. The last time I rode a single speed that wasn’t a fixed gear was my schwinn stingray with a ‘sissy bar’. I got it new as a birthday present in 1968. About 1988 I got turned on to fixedd gear riding by an old former racer who was one of the ‘oracles’ of the local bike club I had just joined. I don’t think I would ever intentionally build up a single-speed bike that wasn’t fixed for myself, though I would certainly enjoy riding one of these wearing a pot leaf bandana and cut-off jeans:

    or something like it….

    Still, I wouldn’t be hatin’ on a poser walkin his single speed dressed like a charicature of a messenger, even if he had ten-doller moch-cinnamon-latte in his clutches. The more bikes the better. Not that I wouldn’t toss a snicker as I spun by him on my Tom Kellog ’84 SLX Olympic road frame with a 42×17 on GP4s with sprinter 250s…..Now _that’s_ posin’…..

  14. Nothing wrong with fixed gear bikes. Douchebags should be vilified though. Some fuck pedaling squares with a blatant disregard for safety while trying to look cool shouldn’t do it on municipal streets.

  15. I personally thought that was some funny shit.

    Now for the rant.
    As far as the idea of loving anyone that rides a bike, I have to disagree. I love bikes and wish they were used more, but some people do cycling more damage than good I think.
    Rhys mentioned a perfect example in post #10.
    Now, don’t want to make sweeping generalizations, but most of the ultra cool fixie kids I have encountered displayed some of the worst riding behavior.
    Sure we all have blown stop signs etc., (personally I am really trying to be better about that kind of stuff, set a good example and not give motorists, pedestrians, cops one more reason to hate on a cyclist) but consistently blatant disregard of all rules while on a bike only serves to damage cycling. Weaving in and out of traffic, cutting off cars and people is fucking idiotic, and who have I seen do that the most? Fixie kids. Maybe its the tight jeans cutting off circulation to their brains?
    Kind of goes in line with a lot of the critical mass mentality I have seen as well. More of a “look at me I am so cool on my bike and anti-authority” type thing than promoting understanding and change.
    (Seriously, someone tell me how clogging up traffic helps our cause? Is that the definition of Share the Road so many cyclists so self riteously cry? And I won’t get started on the big group rides of weekend warriors who can’t seem to do this either. Piss people off, that is a great way to get them to listen. )

    So yeah, have some fun at their expense. Not going to kill anyone. Not like it doesn’t go both ways too. Hard not to make fun of a bunch of grown men in lycra either, really.
    As far as universal props to anyone that rides a bike, lets keep some sense about it.
    ok, enough of that, beer time is way overdue.

  16. Without having read all the other posts… I’ll just say….

    Maybe he’ll give up the bike and soon be driving a car.

    Next time maybe you can explain to him that he’s not doing the bike thing correctly.

    There is nothing wrong with riding a SS road bike of any kind.

    And personally, I thought making fun of how people dressed went out after we left high school.

  17. “Do you guys have green chainrings? I want to match the color of my rims”
    1) Making fun of people will never go out of style.
    2) You cant love all bikes just like you cant love all people, some bikes are douche bags, and some people are stupid pointless bikes.

    Fixies are a fad I hope dies as fast as the yo yo and pokemon cards.

  18. “Fixie” with a freewheel = “Fauxie”.

    There’s a TON of them around Chicago, great place to be riding with no brakes, mechanical or otherwise.


  19. if laws about bikes being required to have a working brake was actually enforced… where does one find the sticker?? fackin’ hilarious…

    i’m all about people riding bikes,however the fixie fad with no brakes makes me shake my head. been riding a fixie with TWO brakes for 10yrs now. took my old 3rensho track bike down to the dick lane velodrome last year to partake in getting my ass handed to me when some kid commented about never seeing me ride it on the road. i felt like punching him…. hard…. more than once.

  20. Long story short: A couple of guys started stealing spoke cards from bikes in Chicago, most of them being kids who post on chifg (including one of the perps). Much drama happens, some of the victims get all butthurt and make threats of bodily injury, so the perps make a jihad video.

    Hilarity ensues.

  21. Well, riding through the Universal Asshole campus is risky, same with 3rd street in the morning/ or about 4-5 PM. That’s when the hot bikes with douchebags/ intelligent rider ratio is about 25:1. But Jon, you’ve got to give the fauxster credit for walking the bike in the crosswalk. And if you want to really go off on something, go off on these wastes of skin that don’t have the fucking balls or ability to pedal and wreak havoc in the bike lanes on motorized bicycles. A rolling insult that the brainless trash that governs Tucson has endorsed and legalized. I’ve yet to see one these assfucks obey any traffic laws, and there’s a major douche on a black three wheeler with a bikini top that inhabits the area east of UA who is especially dangerous. One less car? More like one more moron.

  22. …***an open letter to “hipsters”, fixed gears or not***…

    …just ride a fucking bike…any bike…if you enjoy riding that bike, then it’s a cool thing to do…
    …show a little consideration for others while you’re riding & you just might benefit by having the same thing shown to you…either way you’ll learn something about life & yourself…

    …wanna wear trendy shit ???…low riding chicks pants, checkerboard vans, studded belts & slouch fedoras ???…that’s fine, that’s cool…
    …just do not act under any circumstances like you invented “hip” or the wheel for that matter…& if you think that your “cool” is new school & the only school, you are delusional to the nth degree…time to wake the fuck up…

    …most of us old fucks (& i’m another generation beyond jonny & gnome n’ crew) embrace the ideas & riders that went before us cuz’ there is always something “cool” to learn from the past…be smart enough to pick up on that & find something to contribute to the next “hip” generation…somewhere down the line, you’ll be shaking yer head at whatever they’ll be doing…

    …& if ya wear skintight chick pants & ride a brakeless fix gear in traffic, prepare to handle a little derision…i’m just making you pay for years of people laughing at me for wearing that “faggy” lycra…i thought you could figure that out !!!…

    now get off a’ my lawn, god dammit !!!

  23. I’ve said it before her and the old DC board.

    Fixies are cool as long as you are in it for the ride and not the vibe otherwise it is gay as all fuck Gay. I mean really fucking gHay

    Although most of those head tube smokers buy up all my used shit on ebay.

    I will say that here locally the fixie thing is big with the Jr High Kids which is cool. but they are all running real track bikes. They do this thing at night poaching the multi level office garages and group racing from top to bottom. It is like slick track racing on a fixie. They lock it up and counter steer into corners on the smooth surface then sprint out. wild as all hell.

    anyway ride a fixie to Ride and leave the vibe in the closet.

    “girls pants” goddamn I will never get the coke out of the keyboard…

  24. I’m sick of seeing these fatuous hipsters trying to appear unflappable on their fixies, as I’m sure you must be as well.

    Why must they cruise with such otiose style? And, why with their hands together and thos stupid aero wheels up front…

  25. What is even gayer in the industry is the production fixies you see on the show room floor. Nobody rides those fucking things unless it is a real track bike.

  26. I am old and crusty. Nonetheless, I humbly lay my hat at the feet of those who have gone before me.

  27. Lots of people wear funny looking shit when they ride bikes. That’s been the case forever. Fixie hipsters in girls pants; race enthusiasts in lycra bugs and robot costumes; rag-clad hippies on three speeds; vatos en lowriders. Whatever. Everybody’s got their gig. Who gives a shit what somebody else wears or rides? Ride bikes. Be safe. Have fun.

    (BTW the fashion critics’ love for and accusatory use of the word “gay” on this blog is so, well… fashion critic.)

  28. Wanna see something funny? Drop in some hardcore road/track racers into the local alley cat. Seen a lot of fixie fiends get all irritated when the squids show up and leave them in the dust.
    Heard a lot of bragging about “bike skills” being the decider on the city streets.

    and as far as the clothing goes…pretty much all bike related clothing is pretty funny. As a friend once put it, “lycra is the shit but I always feel like a big homo when I’m in it”…well…so it goes.

    all about the attitude anyhow.

  29. Not exactly what happened when they dropped Nelson Vails in on the Olympics… He beat a lot of people (silver?), but he wasn’t a “real” cyclist…

    Gifted is gifted. I’d guess alley cats aren’t what they used to be. Cats who ride their bikes for work are going to get uber-strong. Hipsters who ride their bikes as a fashion statement (whatever that statement may be…) will get schooled.