Fuck me on a Monday

We get the strangest emails around here. People shout “Bring the porn back!” And, at the same time, people say, “Where did all this porn come from?”

Really. It’s like that around here. It doesn’t make sense to me either.

From: MK
Subject: BIKE FAGS??? From DC…
hello i have recently noticed a lot of changes to the web site and although i am tired of all the porn pics the thing i find the most offensive and just pointless is the heading “Bike Fags” I don’t understand why you have to use such sexually charged derogatory language as a heading?? your web site is very close to being a really good resource for the cycling community. However it has recently taken a nose dive in taste and with the recent changes i cannot recommend your web site to others as a place to check out cool and innovative bike culture. i work at [name removed] in victoria bc canada and other employees here have also noticed the changes and i must say we all look at the low brow changes with dissappoval. I have been visiting your web site for years and would like to continue to do so and can only suggest you get rid of the smut and homophobic language and stick to bikes and bike culture . please please and thank you.

Did we title a post “bike fags”? Could have happened. If we did, I can’t find it now. I think you’re talking about the title for a category of links. It’s all the primo sites Gnome likes to check out on the daily. I check ’em like every third day. Maybe like twice a week. Because I’m lazy. We could change it to “primo” or “stash spot” or “gnar gnar” or “fuck it” or “100% man sites”. Does it really matter what we call it?

Well, I guess it matters to you. And, I should add, there was no disrespect meant to any of the gay site readers. Including members of my family. Yes. Gay and reads it. Going to visit him in a week. We’ll get drunk and I’ll apologize on bended knee.

But probably not. I really don’t think he fucking cares.

I do have a question regarding the anti-porn emails, why do you guys always tell me something along the lines of: “I have been visiting your web site for years…”? When you tell me something I know isn’t true, I don’t really care what else you say. How can you say you have been looking at the “site for years” and then all of the sudden got surprised by porn? At best, you’ve come on board recently. You have no idea what this site was up to for the last eight years.

This site was covered in porn from the word go. Have you ever seen the archives? The site header used to read “This page is all about bikes, boobs and beers. If you don’t like it, you can go to hell.” I used to splash every post with three links to galleries of naked ladies (nsfw). There was porn as recently as April of 2007. There is a sister site to this pill popp’n goodness, drunkcyclistporn.com, that, as the name implies, is all about porn.

We’re damn near a resource for the cycling community? Good. I’m glad all this work hasn’t been a complete waste of my time.

Just remember: You can’t make all of the people happy all of the time. All you can hope for is to make some of the people happy some of the time. Or so they tell me.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

64 thoughts on “Fuck me on a Monday

  1. Jonny.

    I have been reading your site for eight years. I like bikes, boobs, beers, and…um…something else quippy that starts with B. Fill in the blanks yourself.

    The site certainly has changed, but who the hell cares? People grow up and figure out they can be whoever the hell they want to be. Want a little porn? Cool. Want a lot of it? Sweet. Want none of it? Also cool. Just shut up and ride bikes. Really.

    And honestly, anyone who was been reading this site for more than a year knows there’s WAY less porn than there used to be. Oh, I pine for the good ol’ days…

    This is a whole lot of crying over nothing. Jesus. You could have run for president with non-issues like this.

  2. It’s slightly bummer-funny that peeps consider this pill party important enough to write in and cry about, but then again, maybe that’s just the way it works.

    And even ha-ha funnier, is that nothing is forced. This is all voluntary on both sides.

    Who ever expects this to be some sort of cycling culture sainthood reporting front maybe expects too much. At best, DC is just another point of failure within that culture.

  3. Hi there!
    I’m from Victoria too!
    I like porn!
    And your site!
    And may or may not be gay!
    So keep it up.
    And please don’t judge us (west coasties) on this loser.
    And don’t shop at (name removed).

  4. I found this site and thought to myself ‘damn this is exactly the way we talk to each outer on the group rides’

    as far as i know this is how dudes talk and these are the topics on rides.

    I know that when it gets way out of context and true homophobe or perhaps racist shit flys here it gets beat up or deleted.

    no likey? tune out and find another site.

    actually bike fags is a link to plenty of good bike sites with out the cussin so click away

    Jonny; time to break out the gay test again my friend….

    BH 77%

  5. I was just thinking that these new porn links are too clean and too pro. I like it a little more on the raunch and raw; far too skinny and not enough titty so step it up you homos

    your ^!&&@


  6. we’ve had people defend a drunk driver charged in the killing of a cyclist and now this?

    clearly MK has not been tuning in for years.

    stick around MK we might be able to get you laid. You might have to pay for it but WTF>>>

  7. …to whom it may concern…
    …dear sirs…my life was slowly spiraling downward, sinking into an ugly stinking, black morass of fetid despair…my hopes & dreams were like curdled milk, long past their due date…my fears kept me caged like an iron matron w/ a vicious whip who ruled my every conscious thought…
    …i had no friends, no home, no car…my bike was a used huffy mtb w/ a broken rear shifter, frayed cables & only one hand grip that i found in a dumpster…i had no hope, no direction…i was lost, unloved, awash in a sea of my own salty-teared hopelessness…

    …then i discovered drunkcyclist

    …i am now a huge success in my field, i’m surrounded by beautiful women whether i’m simply lounging by the pool at my mansion or out dining in expensive elegant restaurants…my ferrari & my humvee get superb gas mileage when i’m not out riding one of my vast array of custom made bicycles…& of course, i wear nothing but assos & rapha when i ride…

    …i attribute this all to being a constant reader & contributor to drunkcyclist, so please, from my perspective, feel free to go in any direction you so see fit…
    …just sayin’, w/ no complaints, from the other side…


  8. What a turd! And so much for the liberal canucks! And it bears repeating that many beers-o-go, BJ aptly described himself as something like a guy with a bike addiction and porn hobby. Don’t like it, don’t drop in.

  9. Bike Fag? Did someone say BIKE FAG? BIKE FAG! Ha! There, I said it! Oh my god, how terrible! What if someone’s feelings were hurt? ! Shoot, if it weren’t for bike fags, whose trousers would we make fun of?? I just don’t understand some people. Maybe they’re upset because their dog is gay or something. Okay, group hug people!!

    Helpful as always,


  10. What gets me Big Jonny is that there are people out there who think you have made this site for them!
    Fuck them.
    This is your site and you call the shots.

    Oh, and thanks for bringing back the Redhead for Dave posts.

  11. …oh, btw…my testimony was unsolicited (in case anyone wondered) & for what it’s worth, i was born in the dominion of canada…

  12. Yo Jonny, I’ve been around since well before the pron drought on DC started and I am DAMN HAPPY to see that it is over. Keep up the fine work and I can’t wait for the next installment of Redhead for Dave!

    PS: MK – you are giving us west coasties a bad name. STFU.

  13. Ah, how nice to read the “witty” comments of the good ole boys stepin up to the defense plate. Me, I don’t mind either. Of course, if one is offended by 3rd grade humor or porn, they could install some plugins into their browser (Firefox, of course.) Personally I only make use of the adblock, as my laptop travels to work and back, and I don’t need no porn @ work.


    Hopefully that helps out some…

  14. Long time reader weighing in. Been visiting the site since many years ago when a bike shop managing friend introduced me.

    I came for the titties, and stayed for the writing. I have to admit I was actually a little pleased to see the titties disappear from the front page so I could read at work.

    Lately though, it’s not so much a feature of my break-time/lunch web browsing.

    If ya gotta reinstate the front-page porn to pay the hosting bills, then so be it, but I’ll miss visiting during lunch-hour.

  15. Sounds to me like someone needs themselves some Orange Goblin.

    Jesus hillbilly-fucking-christ.

  16. BGW That was classic. I only wish I could have afforded a Huffy pre DC.

    I only hold a gun to my head once a week now.

    Thank you DC.

    I don’t mind Lycra or spandex. I guess That makes me BIKE FAG. I really think Lesbian is closer though. I don’t suck dick and I love pussy. I can’t find a dictionary the gives that description of lesbian but I think I am one from what I have heard.

  17. Like all the bro’s here in Phlag with their “moist” term of endearment, bike fag is also a term of respect. Many are uncomfortable even saying “bike fag” but to those who know, it is simply the brotherhood. Never been a bike fag? don’t try to understand. It is beyond you.

    Hola. My name is Gnome. I am a bike fag.

  18. Sorry Gnome (I mean you flaming bike fag); I was just wondering who this “Dave” guy is and why he gets so many redheads… Viva la bike fags!

  19. Yup, this site is so less porn related than it used to be – then it went into a very non-porn related stage – now I think it’s achieved a nice balance. Balance is good. Especially when on a bike. But kinda tough when you’re drunk. Maybe that’s why I’m always falling.

  20. I am upset, too, about the decline in porn on the site. I went to look at the “girls and bikes” links and was disappointed to see that it was about girls who ride bikes. Also they all seem to be much tougher than I ever was.

    On the bright side, I like the bacon!

  21. Actually, as far as content goes, I’ve been wondering where all the political ranting and raving has gone. Since the election, there hasn’t been much, and I know it’s probably due to the transitional phase of the federal govt right now and the collective national-holding-of-breath (which is probably good for the whole climate-change thing, if you believe in that). However, I have been wondering just how you kids have enjoyed the slight peek into the fetid underbelly of what we in Illinois call politics? Our governor (a product of the very same Democratic soil which sprouted one Barack Obama) has been arrested and impeached by the state House, is going on trial in the state Senate AND in Federal Court…and yet he still exercises his right to appoint a person to Obama’s vacant Senate seat. Gosh it’s been fun, you should really tune in! Or just wait until it breaks out on the national/Presidential level. Let the good times roll bike fags!

  22. Ya, I wish there were more girls that rode bikes naked. But for now, the “girls on bikes” link list is just to those who I think are hot and I’d rather front some lookers that haul ass instead of some chumps that are too “PRO” for their own good. The cuties of the sport don’t get enough attention imo.

    And I always remind myself that this place evolves. I’ll be posting more porn as time goes by. Although I like a good grudge fuck video and the gang bangs and all that dirty shit, I like to front clean pussy, hotness and the like, and therein lies the rub. Other than the Met-art links, and Diddy, good clean trim is somewhat hard to source on the interwebs. It’s either ass-to-mouth gang bang’n or nothing.. for the most part. I ain’t into limiting this for the working stiffs if I can help it.

    And the politics ebbs & flows. I was pushing a lot of it during the election just because of the anxiety I had over the whole deal, but Big Jonny is the one with the mind for that stuff and he had a hey-day with Bushco and all the trainwrecks that occured with it. I just regurgitate the obvious. I’m sure it’ll be back, but now, I’m still tapped. Everything surrounding the transition is overshadowed by relief at this point. Calm before the storm. Time to be about bikes for a while…

    I’m soooooo fucking relieved that Bushco is done. It was a painful 8 years for those of us who know more than how to pursue greed to the death of all kind. Who knows what’s in store for the next 8. I’m optimistice as with much of the nation. Not that Obama is the savior, but because at the very least, he is articulate, pragmatic and deliberate. With that, I’m trying to keep it on the positive even though the future is nothing but bleak.

    I think that the Chicago Thug-politics is awesome. Soprano’s real-time. I hold a candle of respect for Blago because of his insane, fucking grade-a-balzy demise. Fucking Chi-town nut.

  23. i “heard” that if you google “ass to mouth” (not that i ever would, really I wouldn’t, quick looking at me like that.) drunkcyclist.com is like the 12th site that comes up. frankly i think we should google-bomb the motherfucker and make DC the first site that comes up upon google searching “ass to mouth”. what do you guys think?



    Yes I know I am shouting…from the fucking rooftops!!!

    Long Live Porn, Pork, Bikes, Beers, Liquor, Lycra, The System, Circle K food stops at the end of a 7hr ride, and all of that shit

  25. What fucking bike rider even types “dear sirs”? fuck yeah i’m a bike fag, don’t suck the dick, but, I might tell some fucktard that I do, just for bike parts, so it doesn’t make me gay!!!!!!!!! Proud to be so gay on my bike, pedaling away while you limp dick poser ass bitches sit in your car pointlessly jammed in traffic with the bike rack, stickers and NO bike.
    p.s. Im pissed cause i cant find any vomit porn on this site, man up….

  26. milenkovitch responds to comments,,,, well judging from most of the comments in regards to my letter to DC most of you seem to enjoy using the term fag as some sort of badge of honor and your right to free speech. I would hate for that to be taken away from you. Perhaps most of you failed to realize that going to certain search engines and typing in “porn” or “fucking” will direct you to thousands of hours of porn.I also suppose most of the users of this site are still in high school seeing that most of the people i hear use this term are in high school. In regards to the people who feel i some how represent “the west coast”, I didn’t realize there was some sort of west coast mentality that loves porn and using the word fag. I realize that visits to porn sites via Dc make DC money, and good luck to DC with that, it’s just that are so many other ways to make money in better taste. Mostly i feel that DC is a resource for cyclists about bikes and bike related topics and that that this resource is getting lost in the recent direction change towards porn and homophobic language, and i hate for this to happen seeing that there are very few quality alternative bike culture web sites. thank you all for you time and opinion regarding my opinion. milenkovitch

  27. Milenkovitch – are you serious? DC a resource for cyclists about bikes? That’s fantastic – a totally new reason for me to visit DC. And all this time I thought this was a site dedicated to finding Snake Hawk’s daddy.

  28. F’k the site changes and lack of/abundance of porn, I’m just bummed I can’t replace my old faded and shredded Liveswrong tshirts…

  29. “In regards to the people who feel i some how represent “the west coast”, I didn’t realize there was some sort of west coast mentality that loves porn and using the word fag.”

    Mr. milenkovitch-

    … raising hand…

    C’mon out & ride. Keep the rubber side down, sir.

  30. Milenkovitch and others of his(her) ilk, what did you expect when you came to DRUNKCYCLIST dot com? Did you expect a puritanical diatribe about pleasant meandering on rural trails and bike paths? It would be an anomaly for most drunkards, usually devoid of dignity, to recant many tales that would endear them to those preferring sobriety, chastity and piety.

    You, sir, are like a bachelor in a whorehouse looking for a virgin to be his bride. Changing your location or expectations will help you avoid certain disappointment.

  31. “Bike Snob? Jeesus dude. like a bunch of high fives… Yawn. Yea, I’m awesome too.

    Man, I better go lube up my Phixie for tomorrows sweet alley cat.”

    With those comments, I’m not really sure you understand the BSNYC. Then again, maybe you’re being ironic.

  32. Mr. Milenkovitch,

    Sir, and I do mean this with all due respect; if you want a resource for cyclists about bikes and bike related topics then go fuckin’ make one.
    Don’t be claiming ownership of something you have given no assistance in creating, or maintaining.

    Look man, the people who push started this now much loved jalopy, popped it into gear and fed it the fuel to keep it goin’ should simply be receiving a hardy well deserved thank you, or some sort of facsimile there of.
    Don’t go start complaining about the lack of AC, or the nasty smell from the back, of this POS ’cause you can get out any motherfucking time.
    In fact nobody ever fucking asked you for your opinion.
    Hell nobody asked me for mine either, and I was just fine with that.
    You know why?
    ‘Cause this ain’t my site, and I have done nothing to support it.
    I haven’t fucked around with computers, or servers.
    I haven’t moved this site from here to there and all over the damn place in order to keep it live.
    I haven’t pushed socks, jerseys, wristbands, and all that other shit just to keep this god damn life sucking black hole up and running.
    Just to be clear, neither have you.
    You have no say in this.

    As far as I’m concerned, the people who have put their time into creating it for our enjoyment can do whatever the fuck they want and if a Redhead shows up here for Dave, all the fucking better in my opinion, but if things go all sterile and proper, then I’m fine on that too ’cause I’ve been on the Internet since the since the days of the ~86’s and I sure as hell don’t come here to get my rocks off.
    Shit, I don’t even come here looking for a resource about cyclists, or bike related topics.
    That thought really never entered my mind.
    Just like I have never been so fucking stupid as to open this site at work.

    I come here to read about the thoughts and experiences of guys whom are very similar to me and who are doin’ the best they can with what they’ve got.

    So, let me summarize this lengthy retort just so you clearly understand my point.
    Fuck you.

    – Ryan

  33. someone pissed in milenkovitch’s cherrios. and the high school reference, wtf? i for one am long past that but will still never act my age. mr/mrs milenkovitch – U R A BITCH. Sorry. and for those elevating htatbl dot com to some place stevil would not approve, check your science.

  34. SFB,
    The whole Chicago thing is hi-larious. That rat bastard is nuts. To say some of that shit, when you have a good idea that your phone is being tapped, that takes some balls. Bigger than Big Jonny’s hairy balls. Oh and the hair (on top of the head not on the balls). How did you fuckers elect him?

    I’ve been laying low on the politics front from mental exhaustion. I’ve got too much doing with school (that would be graduate school, milenkovitch) to put any time into thinking about it much. Not much to think about in the transition, except fear of the crazy shit that BushCo will try to ram through in their final days. I’m sure we’ll get back to it at some point. There are some sharp and opinionated on here, which just shows that you can like looking at nekkid girls and still think about politics. Eat your heart out Helms. I don’t mind the return of the porn. I like me some good clean trim. I just can’t look at it at school as much. Probably for the best, hopefully I’ll be more productive.

    Milenkovitch, high school? Really? If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say the median age is mid-30s. I’m sure there’s some young ones, and there’s a few who claim to be in their 50s or 60s. Us nearly middle aged folks can still like looking at a little pussy. If you’d been following the site for more than a few days, I think you’d see that any real homophobia or racism (or whatever other bad -ism you want to insert) gets dealt with rather harshly. Gallows language and humor, however, is just fine. This is Jonny’s (and now Gnome’s) show. They can do with it what they want. I came for the titties, and some talk about bike riding and politics broke out… Resource for cyclists? Get real. It’s Drunkcyclist, not BikeMojo, or cyclingnews, or blah, blah, blah… Get over it.

    BJ, Gnome, and all the other front-pagers, thanks for creating this trainwreck. DC is dead. Long live DC.

  35. SFB – you fucktard. Of course your neo-con loving self didn’t vote for Blago…

    Happy New Year.

  36. Redheads for DAve rules…..While you are at it BJ can you bring back the Jiffy Lids for Chris posts

  37. Easy there Hostile, I’m well aware that SFB wouldn’t have voted for Blago, and he knows that I meant the “you” in royal terms. I find Blago so sad, so out of touch, that it’s funny. It’s just like a Canadian asking how “we” elected Bush… twice. I sure as hell didn’t vote for him, and it might be funny if we weren’t living with the consequences. If we are going to mock Shrub for being the village idiot (which he is…), then we also need to call out Dems who behave like wannabe mobsters. Corruption is corruption, it doesn’t matter what flavor it comes in. Other than his conservative leanings, I really don’t understand what SFB did to you?

  38. My guess is that he’s just plain Hostile. His problem, not mine.

    There’s a bar downtown Chicago that’s serving a burger called the “Bleeping Blago.” When it comes out, the mustard is put on written as a dollar sign.

  39. To 60th the other responses, this bozo has not been visiting this site for years. I wept tears of scotch when the porn went away – and stopped looking as often. As for the fag remarks, you’re a skinny white guy with shaved legs that wears tights. Get over it.

  40. I’ve been cuming to this site for years….I think 5 or 6? When I got a new job two years ago they had a webfilter that blocked DC because of the ‘porn’ html tag. Later, I found out he had a new format with less porn, but the site was still blocked. I asked Big Jonny about it, and he said he had toned it down for several reasons, but still had the ‘porn’ html tag. Oh well, life’s a bitch, I thought.

    Well, they decided to stop paying for the webfilter, so now I can hit DC.

    But, milenkovitch somehow thinks things have taken a turn for the gutter? hmmm, I persoanlly like the old days – the daily erotica link, redheads for dave….not only that, but there’s as much political discussion as there is bike talk, so where does tool milenkovitch get off on scolding Our Man Big Jonny?

    Hey, my training rides consist of talking about women, politics, and partying, until we actually start training. If there was _ever_ a website that effectively reflects bike culture, DC is it, right down to the porn.

    Btw – Jonny, looking forward to the birds in The Big Game, I’m hoping they go up against Baltimore, and I hope Baltimore lays a serious asswhupping on fucking pittsburg. I hate pittsburg. I hate the town, the geography, the people, everything about it. rothl-whatsisname is an overrated retard. Interesting stat about rothlwhatsisfuck – He’s won three games in his entire career when he passes more than 30 times. Yeah, there’s a stellar acheivement. Fucking dolt, I hope ray lewis sacks his moron ass back to whatever inbred town he comes from.