I spent far too long watching the tube tonight. Given that we only have about 12 or 16 accidental channels that happen to squeak in through our cable meant for internets, it was only fitting that I punished myself tonight with such great shows as Baby Daddy on the BLT network, where 248 tricks with bunches of lots of different kids vie for the love of a street hardened white kid with a g-string beard, and Aliens vs. Jesus H. Christ on “Nat Geo.” By the time I washed all of that down with a little “Late Times with Conan Winfrey” I was plumb exhausted. Well, I was at least tired enough to rock myself into a well-marketed slumber atop my i-can-jump-up-and-down-on-this-thing-like-a-fucking-jackhammer-
without-spilling-my-wine-mattress while gently thumbing through the pages of my latest Maximal Mangazine. Sick mattress, seriously. Anyways, before I was lulled into Sleep America by the glossy advertisements for Asse Body Spray (in new “Pulling Wool like Chocolate off the Candy Shelf” scent), I saw this rad commercial:
Good night, dewdz.