Apparently, cavorting with the Olsen twins, hooking up with Kate Hudson and shmoozing Hollywood’s elite isn’t much of a challenge for ‘ol one nut. Look who’s returning to the peleton. Maybe the whole Brett Favre/GreenBay Packers debaucle enticed Lance to make a comeback? Or his stock pile of EPO is reaching it’s shelf-date expiration and what better way to bring it out of the fridge and kick some more euro ass.

Oh, and if you couldn’t have guessed, he’ll be riding for Astana.

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About Flodizzle

Another cyclist toiling away in graduate school. Go figure. Tucson, Arizona, USA

42 thoughts on “Livewrong

  1. Guess it’s time to update that slogan he uses in the FRS ads. New version: “Tired of Being REtired?”

  2. …dunno what i think of the reality, yet, but props to seattle for the astute take on the frs ads…

  3. If his presence saves the Tour de Georgia then I dont give a shit if he rides with an IV drip on his handlebars. He’s got more cash then he knows what to do with, let him spark some interest again and maybe some companies will open up their wallets.

  4. I totally agree with slacker…Tour de Georgia is a great race and deserves to go on. Professional Cycling (especially in the US) needs some excitement and this might give a company a reason to spend $$$ on sponsorships. This also might end the argument, once and for all, that Lance was clean!!! If he was a doper, why would he come back?

  5. I’ll watch. Shades of the past perhaps for Lance/Contador a la Hinault/LeMond? He’ll come back to win, not to ride shotgun for Contador.

  6. …damn, gnome…you make it sound like a great fucking idea…

    …woulda, shoulda, coulda…obviously i wasn’t paying attention back when it counted or i mighta set it up to work that move…

    …c’est la vie…

  7. At least this will give DC contributors endless opportunities for Lance bashing..oh wait..never mind.

  8. Lanstana Happens.

    By: Michael Sommer, special to Drunk Cyclist

    In a series of interviews obtained in various legal and illegal manners (yep, thanks to Republicans, we’ve been wiretapping, baby), information has come to light which will inevitably change the world of professional cycling forever. Hang on ladies and gentlemen, here is your inside look at THE FUTURE.

    Not only has the venerable victorious one-nutted wonder and renouned Hollywood poon-hound Lance Armstrong announced his return to the pro peleton, but we at the Drunk Cyclist have procured the entire plan which the mighty Astana team has formulated in order to TAKE OVER THE WORLD (of professional bike riding).

    Starting at the top, team owners Yury Ivanofuk and Evengy Kissinavich have made a pledge to (read quote in your best James Bond Russian villian voice) “Place riders atop podium in all top bicycle races. We do this for pride and courage for make great nation of Kasahkstan most powerful pedal pushing nation in all world.”

    The secret, as obtained through aforementioned covert methods and/or waterboarding, is in the entirely new makeup of the team.

    Johan Bruneeyl, mastermind of 8 Tour de France victories, had this to say about his new roster: “Vell, firstly, we will be dumping Levi. Dis was an easy decision to make for us, mostly because we knew he has gotten rather used to us making way for better riders dan himself. He has been tru dis before…twice…so he vill be ok, no?”

    Additional team members will include a number of currently “retired” riders who will rally to the cause of another Armstrong victory. Jan Ulrich will reportedly don the Astana kit, but his ability to pull for Armstrong is suspect, as his past tendencies have been geared towards riding behind the man. Climbing support will come from Roberto Heras and the Chicken himself, the as-yet-to-be-tested-positive Michael Rasmussen. Heras will reportedly be told he is the team leader in order to get him to sign, whereupon he will fold miserably in the actual race. The slack will have to be taken up by the dashing Iban Mayo, who will surely challenge Armstrong for the leadership role in this team of champions. For the flat stages and those grinding days of protecting the sacred malliot jaune, Tyler Hamilton and Floyd Landis will form a two-man denial squad that even the toughest critics in the press will have trouble penetrating….what with all the unborn twins and mishandled B-samples they bring with them. Manning the important position of “insane-one-day attacker and resultant next-day failure” will be Alexandre Vinokourov. Finally, and perhaps most notably, will be the presence of Ivan Basso, who will be expected to have a reserve of performance-enhancers around him at all times, but will most assuredly not use them.

    Narrowly missing making the team will be German uber-sprinter Eric Zabel, who will attend training camp and then decide he doesn’t like it. Allesandro Petacci will also be invited as a backup, but his Salbutanol dosage is reportedly not what it used to be.

    There will be no French riders invited, as the team is actually geared towards victory. The only consideration was reportedly Richard Virenque, but any negotiations were abrubtly ended when a firey dispute took place over who was hotter: Sarah Palin or Carla Bruni.

    Team doctor Michelle Ferrari is very excited about the prosects for Astana-domination…so much so that he got flustered when we asked him a couple questions, spilled his orange juice, and dropped his suitcase full of syringes. We are sure they were for uses other than cycling, as were the bags of freeze-dried blood labelled with the names of each team rider’s dog.

    In a surprise move, Manolo Saiz, a noted Armstrong enemy in the past, as been hired as a soigneur, and apparently his only duty will be to follow the team bus in a sort of Brinks-type armored vehicle…we assume it will be used to protect this bevy of superstars from their crazed fans.

    Surely the greatest accumulation of talent since basketball’s Dream Team, or, rock music’s Damn Yankees, the new-look Astana Team will be something to recon with in 2009, and then again in 2011 when their suspensions are up.

    See…this is what happens when I get bored at work and my mind wanders…and somebody tried to put me down for being cynical a couple days ago…sheesh…YA THINK??? LOL.

  9. Lance bashing? Hell, fuck them all. This is cycling. They should all have to turn wrenches and live off 12k per year for the opportunity to showcase their special purposes on tv. A bunch a dumb shit it all is…

  10. Herr Sommer,

    You ideological asshat – can’t even leave politics out of a response-posting on Lance. Wiretap away you dinosaur.

    Apparently the cease-and-desist letter didn’t reach you. Evolve pencilneck!

  11. Hey Hostiledickhead,
    Lighten up, you’ll live longer. The politics I “spun” in that weren’t even my own you moron. It was, as they say, “in jest.” Didn’t think I’d have to explain that, the audience here is fairly intelligent, yourself excluded, obviously.
    Hugs and kisses,

  12. “Anyone pushing 400 watts sustained is full of pure rocket fuel”. That statement put things in perspective for me. Thanks Big J.


  13. I love how all you whiny bitches spilled your guts about the topic. But it seems like it is all a hoax… according to Bruyneel anyways. What does it really matter if he comes back…honestly? Or doesn’t?

  14. Or Doesn’t.

    And, I’d like to see Bob Roll go back to retirement for fuck sakes. Maybe he can con Phil to come with…

  15. This it! I understand Armstrong bashing but when you take punches at Bobke…thats when I put up my dukes.

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  17. …first time i met bob roll, i looked him straight in the eye & the first thing i said was “it’s nice to see a man who knows his stuff but isn’t afraid to be a bit of a crazy motherfucker”

    …the man never broke eye contact & he just smiled…

    …personally, i think he’s great & mr roll w/ his experience, at times offers a wonderful insight beyond what is expected of a typical cycling “talking head”…

    …i’m a definite fan…

  18. OK, OK… no bobke flaming. ESPN just posted the news on sportscenter this morning. I wonder if he’ll get traded to F de Jeux or something. Maybe cry a bit over the mic’s. Thad be cool.

  19. Astana riders are not happy for what I hear. But fat chance of Lance riding anything but a Trek. I guess Johan denies it

    Basso is back this year too so Levi you are done anyway

  20. This makes watching bikes go up hill watchable again.

    Did anyone mention the 2 years of no blood testing to this point?

  21. first (and only) time i met bob roll i looked him straight in the eye and said in a trembly awe-struck voice — “DAVIS PHINNEY… i am SO GLAD to meet you!”

    well….I thought it was funny even if he didn’t….

  22. First and only time I met bob roll i looked him straight in the eye and said in a trembly awe-struck voice “Michael Strahan, I am so glad to meet you”

    well….I thought it was funny even if he didn’t….

  23. …the first & only time i met cheryl crow, i looked her straight in the eye & said in a trembly post-coital voice “that was great, baby, but how come marty & jimmy have to watch ???

    …well…i thought it was funny (peculiar) even if she didn’t…

  24. “Or his stock pile of EPO is reaching it’s shelf-date expiration and what better way to bring it out of the fridge and kick some more euro ass.”

    You jealous types never did get over the fact that this guy dominated, and was tested, and never found guilty.

    As for the “livewrong,” what have you done to help humanity? Throw up snarky comments about someone who raises so much to help fight cancer?

    Bleh…I don’t know why I came back to this site. 2-3 years ago, it was actually pretty funny.