Sometimes I get a piece of something, like this email here for instance, that I just know is going to land a great big old pile of shit right here on top of my shoes. And I like my shoes. Or, maybe I’m not wearing shoes. Or pants. I digress. Anyway, far be it from me to do something intellegent, like, say maybe not post it in the first place because that would require attributes such as foresight and planning. Two things I am generally lacking in. See “my career” as evidence of that.
Subject: FW: It wouldn’t be racing without it
Big Jonny, I thought this was a good one from some washed-up has-been of cycling friend-o-mine. Hellbelly
Dear Biker Trash Friends -
Here is one that got my head a scratchin’ -
The strangest doping case I think I’ve seen in a while was the Spaniard woman the doped at the Olympics a couple weeks ago.
OK, she got hold of a little EPO; found a nice quiet place in a country with 1.3 billion people milling about, shot herself in her little Spanish culo with it, got caught; cried; and then got bounced out of the Olympic road race.
So I suffered through watching part of the woman’s road race… punishment enough for any race fan. Like every other woman’s road “race” they wandered around, some overweight woman pealed off the back on the climb, a crash or two here, a little pace making on the climb and before you new it the field was down to 20 -25 riders. No clear attacks and before you know it a very unorganized group of five riders rambles off the front with no one chasing – not even getting a second look from the group. The break had one Austrian woman doing 90% of the work, no one pulling through, shaky as it went…they stayed away.
My wise son was watching and he asked me, “Dad, if you took the 100 best men riders and the 100 best woman riders and put them in a race, what place would the best female rider get?” A better question would have been – “if you took the 100 best Intermediate riders (13-14 year olds?) and the 100 best woman riders and put them in a race, what place would the best female rider get?
So even at the Olympic level it was a snooze. They climb the final climb with the Austrian woman setting the pace up the hill and with 100 meters to go three of the five got out of the saddle and bang, the Austrian workhorse gets fourth place, just short of a medal – as a smart guy once said, “I guess someone has to win.”
I fall asleep on the couch and later that day I thought, “gee, just how “fast” was that race. I get the ‘cal-ca-later’ out and plug in the numbers…. 126 kilometers…3 hours 32 minutes….multiply, a couple ga-zin-tas and…..BANG 22 MILES PER HOUR! You have to be shittin’ me! Do you mean to tell me you have to take EPO to average 22mph – in a good sized group and a very, very steady 22mph at that! Do they really give-out medals for that? What’s next BMX in the Olympics?
The point is, I guess is that I think some of these crazed dopers don’t need to be shamed, fined, suspended… they need some serious psychological counseling – maybe a little 12 step Stuart Smalley – “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me” would do the job.
EPO for 22mph. . . . what in the world.