Drunkcyclist.com

Every time I eat shit, I do it in the lamest way possible.

Riding up the urban trail a couple of days ago on the townie to go watch some softball. I was minding the evening sky, looking at the stars and otherwise not paying attention to anything. With no lights, the last thing I saw was one of those 3 foot tall center poles that keeps cars off the pathway. It was headed for me dead center. I began my fall off the back of the bike in attempt to get away from the situation but it was too late. As the pole caught the handlebars, it sent the bike careening off to the side in a spun out endo as I was catapulted off the bike up and over the front. As I came down, I saw the doom of my end. My sternum took a direct hit on top of that pole. It’s round 3inch diameter cap punched into my chest collapsing my lungs. I fell to the ground and began that too familiar search for precious air. I knew what I was in for when I saw the pole coming at me. I was headed square for it and I thought to myself “you gotta be kiddng… I’m going to die like this?” and then I took the hit, I bounced, and fell to the ground.

I let out some good moans as I searched for breath, scratching at the dirt for anything until I lost consciousness. A few seconds rolled by, and I regained consciousness. Moments later, the hyperventilation subsided. Breathing normal again, I back on my townie and made it over to the game where Fiddy handed me a much deserved Tecate.

All I can say now, is that I’ve had better days. I still can’t breath deep without doubling over.

Onward, we can thank Peter for providing proof that the Chinese work ethic isn’t being completely wasted on “productivity”. Witness, the Dildo Bike in action (nsfw).

Traitor Cycles out of Ferndale, Wa. is keeping it real. From the latest news, it looks like they have a good thing going up there. Good to see big bike parties like that. Nice work all ya’lls & keep it up.

From: El Borracho
Subject: Roasting Gnomes

The only good gnome is a roasted gnome!….with spicey cajun dipping sauce.

You don’t know yer Gnomes El Borracho. Cajun Dipping sauce is out. Most Gnomes prefer liberal amounts of Tecate and/or PBR and/or any shit-beer especially if you’re calling them out. And, I don’t recommend roasting. You’ll have better luck with Baked Gnomes.

And Summerfliesby gives good reason to be stoked on bikes with this:

From: Summerfliesby
Subject: Article from my local paper…talk about a love of bikes!

Beverly’s ‘Bike Man’ is the go-to guy for two-wheel tuneup

Talk abou love of bikes. I’m down with that. Here in Flagstaff, we have a guy like that. His name is Elson(sp?) and his place is behind the titty-bar down south of the tracks. He has piles of bike part throughout the yard and he lets people peruse the goods and make what they can of it. Every day that I work at the shop, someone will always come in asking for a used bike, and every day we tell them that’s a no-go and our cheapest bike is about $350. And every day, I see a shit ton of beat down huffies and other crap that could be salvaged. There is indeed a gap needing fill.

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