Novakula nearly bags one

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What’s the Price of Darkness for The Prince of Darkness?

Looks like $50 bucks.

Syndicated columnist Robert Novak said he has been issued a $50 citation after hitting a pedestrian while driving in downtown Washington.

Witnesses said the collision occurred about 10 a.m. Wednesday as the 77-year-old Novak was traveling near K Street in his black Chevrolet Corvette.

Nothing says “I’m compensating here” like a 77 year old man in a black corvette. Well, that and race car school. Poor bastard hasn’t had a decent erection in three decades.

[Novak] said he didn’t realize what happened and continued driving until a bicyclist stopped him.

David Bono, the bicyclist who witnessed the incident, told The Associated Press that the pedestrian was hit in a crosswalk and was splayed across Novak’s windshield.

Draggin’ him home to the crypt, were you? Heads up thinking by Mr. Bono (a cyclist, mind you) kept Novak’s legendary hunger for human blood unsatisfied for another day.

Bono said that the pedestrian, who was crossing the street on a “Walk” signal and was in the crosswalk, rolled off the windshield and that Novak then made a right into the service lane of K Street. “This car is speeding away. What’s going through my mind is, you just can’t hit a pedestrian and drive away,” Bono said.

He said he chased Novak half a block down K Street, finally caught up with him and then put his bike in front of the car to block it and called 911. Traffic immediately backed up, horns blaring, until commuters behind Novak backed up so he could pull over.

Bono said that throughout, Novak “keeps trying to get away. He keeps trying to go.” He said he vaguely recognized the longtime political reporter and columnist as a news personality but could not precisely place him.

Finally, Bono said, Novak put his head out the window of his car and motioned him over. Bono said he told him that you can’t hit a pedestrian and just drive away. He quoted Novak as responding: “I didn’t see him there.”

“This guy hit somebody and he won’t stop so I’m going to stay here until the police come,” Aleta Petty quoted Bono as saying, as he stood in K Street, blocking traffic.

Good looking out, Novakula.

“I’ve wanted to be a racecar driver all my life, and anyone who has watched me drive can tell you that,” Novak said.

Good luck with that. You should try racing on a “race track”. You know, that place with the “closed course” where “racing” happens. Otherwise you’ll be mixing it up with the flotsam and jetsam of society, you know, “pedestrians”.

Or, more importantly, the pedestrians will be mixing it up with you.

Update: TPM chimes in.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

4 thoughts on “Novakula nearly bags one

  1. Growing up in Bethesda, I had to endure Robert Novak’s yammering on “The McLaughlin Group.” This little sebaceous cyst is probabl angry that he is perpetually voted “Most Likely to be Confused with Frank Zappa’s Nutsack” by the National Press Corps. I fucking hated him then, and there aren’t enough ways I’d be happy to help Valerie Plame get her revenge.

    I am sick and goddamned tired of people giving credence to Robert Novak’s self-aggrandizing with his obvious glee in being reviled as “The Prince of Darkness.” I’m sure that Niccolo Machiavelli, John Milton, Dante Alegheri, and The First of the Fallen would love to have words with Novak on that one. Any vampiric allusion is unwarranted. He isn’t even a bloodsucker. He’s a cocksucker.

    But after reading that little story, I hope to whatever deity (includint Cthulhu) would listen and see to it that Robert Novak get used as a fluffer for the Tijuana Donkey Show. And that’s after he get tossed around from Pelican Bay to San Quentin to Leavenworth as the communal bukkake target.

    And Big Jonny, your implication that Robert Novak has a shortcoming (sorry, couldn’t resist) to compensate for would imply that he has genitals.

  2. Mr Bono is a man of note, a man of integrity, thanks to him and the millions like him, our faith in humanity is constantly restored. I’m not from your part of the world, so am not familiar with this slime in the black Corvette. My guess is he’ll pay his way out of trouble. While we’re on the subject, is this an old one? Just proof that the wheel turns, sometimes quicker than you think
    Keep rolling

  3. Good GOD Seoul Brother…if only you were slightly intellectual, your arguement would have some merit! ;)

    Freakin awesome post!

  4. Hey, at least I was smart enough to get out of the fuckin’ Beltway. This isn’t to say that I have great respect for people who believe in what America should be instead of what America is. Dingleberries like Robert Novak should be pummeled within an inch of their craven little lives. Prince of fuckin’ Darkness? I don’t think so. He’s not even a Viscount of Mild Irritance. He’s a fuckin’ Lingering Queef.