Aw, Man.

Oh yeah, the Tour de France. Crunk Cyclist seems to capture the attention of many different kinds of thinkers, so I’d like to talk for a bit, and direct this mainly at what I believe to be the source of the problem: the people who watch.

In the recent past, let’s say 10 years, I can certainly speak for The United States by saying that we love some fucking spectacle. Look at the X-Games, for example. That shit is basically the culmination of our retarded bloodthirst for shock and awe. We love to see young athletes being pushed to the absolute maximum levels of their thresholds, and when they blow up – even better. People on the sidelines and bleachers act all concerned, when really, it’s those wrecks, those shattering moments that they’ll take home with them. We don’t wanna see flawless victory. We wanna see superheroes eat shit and die. It makes us feel better about our fat, lazy asses.

Perhaps it goes hand in hand with our current administration’s knack for putting putrid headlines on the paper every day. That could probably be another story entirely, but the point is that we as a culture seem to binge on shit like injury, failure, loss, and defeat. That is, until some douche like Pance Hamstring comes along and “dominates” the sport for the greater good of “America.” Then we listen. Then we’re proud. Then we’re “in to” cycling. Meanwhile, this year, the world screams for a “fair tour” and all we seem to give a shit about in regards to that, is who has been busted so far and what a slow tour it is. Lame on you all. Why doesn’t anyone talk about how if these poor dudes don’t get good results, they’ll be sent back to the factory to clock 40 a week, kissing any shot at the good life good bye? Or how even dewds that bust their asses for said results still barely make shit?

I’ve heard so much bullshit already this year, and this is infuriating, about how boring this tour is. Dewds are forthright in their lamentations of the tranquil tour this year. Well, watch any tour past, one you know is full of dope, and you’re psyched at the intensity of the competition. But this year, 13 stages in, we all sit back and bitch and yawn at the docile manner in which these incredible athletes are carrying out the tour.

The only thing I miss from the tour is something that has been missing for decades, and we’re likely not to see ever again: I want to see the dudes by the side of the course, at midday, sharing bottles of vino, having a couple of smokes, and not giving a fuck about whether or not when they finish the tour, they’ll still have their jobs at the factory. Lighten up America. Enjoy some bike riding.

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About Snake Hawk

good, bad, funny, sad, stupid, rad, has, had. non-joining funhaver from coast to coast(er brake). buster of the chops, drawer of the logos. North Carolina, USA

17 thoughts on “Aw, Man.

  1. Nice post Snake Hawk – good points – it seems to be less about sportsmanship and more about shock value, as you’ve noted. The “Mountain Dew” generation’s attention span has a low threshold for events like the Tour it appears. Hang in there – you know the good in the sport – some day it’ll come full circle with no radios and no hemo-adulterations and vino at the roadside.

  2. I agree. Yesterday, the Around the Horn and PTI dorks dissed the Tour like it was inconsequential. I on the other hand think this is a great tour!

    Cadel Evans seemingly holding on to the yellow by the skin of his teeth, with very little help from his team. This kid, Mark Cavendish, has just won his forth Stage, amazing, and did it like he was sprinting against me, an old beer-drinking commuter.

    I also think it is refreshing to see these guys pushing themselves to the limit, with out the aid of anyone else’s hemocrit.

    Sure, there’s been three busted and one fired, at least the teams aren’t sitting on their hands anymore!

    Vive Le Tour!

  3. I’m finally loving the Tour again this year. There have been some great sprints, and the break-away that stayed away in Stage 3. Good stuff.

    The dopers are finally the side show.

  4. I’m with you all the fucking way — people complaining that this TDF, clean or otherwise, is boring are the same morons who thing that a 12-10 slugfest is better than than a 1-0 pitching battle.

    Competition is interesting, not when some doped-up ‘roid-monster kills everyone else, but when it’s so fuckin’ close the entire time that we don’t know who’s gonna win until Paris, or the 9th inning, or whatever.

    I’d rather see cycling with riders so evenly matched in fitness, team strength, and gear that the win depends on who’s got the stones to suffer just a little bit more for a little bit longer.

    That’s racing, dammit.

  5. I love all bike racing we get in this place called US. not much, but
    if your into the sport you will love every min or pedel stroke! I do.

    regardless of dopers or anything else!

    take back our sport, don’t let people talk shit all the time! just walk away. ;-)


  6. Damn if we don’t actually seem to be agreeing this year, we still love the sport and the Tour, although my heart sunk after hearing about Beltran, then Ricco hit harder because I was on the Saunier bandwagon since I own a couple a Scott bikes. There is a great aggravation with the continued doping but I like to think that the sport has turned a corner for the better and that riders will make better choices after seeing the huge prices that the individual, the team, the Tour and the sport are paying the there actions. It is particularly aggravating to see and hear the bashing that the Tour gets from people that know nothing of cycling. I have learned to hold a certain numbness to the dopers and the know-nothing critics and just enjoy the Tour, preferably in a place like Pay-n-take.

  7. This year’s tour has been great, I get more enjoyment out of watching the breaks and trying to predict if they’ll stay away or not. And the stage where the rider got caught by the field in sight of the line. What a bitch to be him but it was some great racing. Much better than some doped up poster boy just walking away from the field.

  8. …yep…starting to look like real guys racing bikes, huh ???…& i for one (obviously not the only one, in this crowd) am enjoying it…when they hit the alps there will be a lot more see-sawing but i like it fine…

    …the pumped up semi-cyborg style of racing may actually phase itself out if enough funding & cooperation goes into the research that detects the newest & latest formulas…

    …i’d like to think that eventually the responsibility might simply fall on the conscience’s of all the riders themselves but even i’m not that much of a dreamer…

  9. good points all, but i’d still punch ricco if i passed him on a sidewalk

  10. wait a minute… are we in awe of how dominantle cavedish as whoopin ass or about how exciting a close race is. a few days ago it was obvious that ricco was doped up by how he blew past the field but cavandish blowing away the field is nust natural abilty.

    And don’t forget.. those fuckers drinking wine and having a smoke were dope up too. doping was invented by cyclist and its been there from the beginning.

    Don’t feel nastalgic for something that never was.

  11. Like many of you I seem to be watching (more than I thought I would) and enjoying (more than I thought I would) the TDF this year. For some reason I’m cleansed by the dopers getting caught, like everything’s finally coming right (in the past I was kind of sad and wanted to defend them). While true, I find Phil and Paul’s commments about the dopers being idiots and “how could they be so stupid” pretty ironic (and somewhat ignorant sounding even though I’m sure they are not) considering the shit that has gone down in the past, like it is so fuck’n surprising. Funny about Ricco’s hero being Pantani, a couple of days ago I was like, ummmm ok, that’s kind of weird, but whatever… and now ahhhhh that shit suddenly makes so much sense it isn’t even funny.

    Word to your mother…

  12. Yar, ya really think ricco’s into pantani because of his doping prowess? No. He’s into Pantani for the same reasons everyone else liked/loved him prior to the doping alienation. Pantani was a little mountain goat with or without the need to compete chemically as well.

  13. man, i have chills reading this. nice work my friend!

    Maillot Jaune on July 19th, 2008 8:48 am

    Yar, ya really think ricco’s into pantani because of his doping prowess? No. He’s into Pantani for the same reasons everyone else liked/loved him prior to the doping alienation. Pantani was a little mountain goat with or without the need to compete chemically as well.

    be safe and fuck it all!