Happy Friday

I’ve been riding my bike to work now for a few weeks. Might not seem like much to you hard ass mile eater types, but to me it’s everything. Kinda feeling good about it.

A lot better than when I wasn’t able to ride much at all.

Gnomies been at me to get out there and ride with him. It’ll happen, I’m sure, sooner or later. Him and I both have children now, so our time isn’t as, well, available as it once was. Gone are the glory days when we “borrowed” his redneck brother’s motor home and did every group ride in Tucson for a month and a half one winter.

Oh, the times we had.

Let’s lead in with some email. Nothing says Friday like Email. That and ice cold cans of Tecate. But that comes later.

From: Dr. Jon
Subject: Big Jonny, post this on your blog. Its time to roll with the Dark Lord in Utah
Big Jonny,
In a world of concept bicycle stores, bicycle manufactures that run their outfits like a mafia
operation…and dental offices with plasma screen tv’s with Wii’s that charge $1400 a crown – This is how we keep it real in Utah…to add balance to the reddest state on the planet.
The Dharma Wheels Cyclery. Give me a shout on your site baby. We’re selling VooDoo…because I like
Johnny and BTI.
www.dharmawheelscyclery.com

complete with the angry owner blog, where you will find a story about my team member puking on his lawn last night after a party. Check out what we’ve been up to. Our dental office/bike shop is meant to be a large middle finger sticking up straight behind the Zion Curtain.
And I still have my Ted Nugent outfit.
Keep it real in AZ for me,
Dr. Jon
PS, great job on the mustache bash. Here is my entry – sorry it isn’t furry…too much indian.

You did good, even with the Indian in ya. Or in her. Or whatever.

Well, there you have it folks – your one place for bike parts and dentristy when stuck behind the Zion Curtain. If any of you are wondering about the Nuge reference – take a look here.

Bring booze. Dr. Jon likes the sauce.

From: Keith
Subject: H2′s days are numbered
This is from all over the web:
treehugger.com/…gm-hummer-h2-end-of-production

jalopnik.com/…the-rumors-of-the-demise-of-the-h2-have-been-greatly-exaggerated -its-dying-in-2014

Can’t say I’ll miss that trainwreck of self endulgance, small man syndrome and penis envy out on the roadway. To own it is to shame yourself and your family. I don’t care if it’s 2014 or 15, it’s going bye bye with the dream of $1.07 gallons of regular.

Nice knowing you. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.

From: Ray
Subject: FYI: Incident at PHX Alleycat
Thought y’alls might be interested if ya haven’t seen this yet, whether it
be for support or mockery…
azfixed.com

I’ll take mockery for two hundred, Alex.

How come I know a guy who has put on underground mountain bike races for a decade (yeah, ten years) and he has had zero problems? What is it with these fixie kids? Yo, have your checkpoint – meet spot somewhere cool, like a bridge underpass, vacant lot or business that is down. Don’t go anywhere near renta-cops and hospitals. Just steer clear of all that shit, keep it on the down low. Think submarine – way underwater where no one even knows you’re there. That’s what you’re looking for.

Today’s stupid joke:

A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband’s lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a lingerie shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned the crotchless undies, and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television, and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.

“Want some of this?” she purred.

“Are you kidding?” he replied. “Look what it did to your underwear

Link dump:
[oh my] goodnightbush.com
[scottsdale bars] theedge1039.com
[the stitch n' bitch club] youtube.com
[the first rule of fight club] andiamnotlying.com
[scientific study evaluates penis size of cyclists] youtube.com
[drinking and cycling in Austin shouldn't mix] statesman.com

That’s about enough for one post. I’m out for the weekend, kids. Keep the rubber side down.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

7 thoughts on “Happy Friday

  1. I dont know about staying away from hospitals when it comes to Black races. About thirteen years ago we held an indoor downhill race within the buildings of an inner suburban hospital in Sydney. Two heats and a final during a massive rain storm on the wrong side of midnight. We saw no one, no one saw us and then we went and got even more drunk.
    Security guards can be a problem though. We had a later, daytime race broken up by the Sydney Uni secco’s, who locked the gates and obstucted our second lap, after I managed to rag my guts out in full drag. The ambulance officer arrived and put on a pair of gloves; checked out my nice frock and promptly put on a second pair before he would touch me. Chicken.

  2. cool. check the news.
    Obama with his girl on the ride-behind.
    Way better than W trying to be sport-o in camp D or the ranch, or even kerry on the serotta custom that cost more than my last car.

    Maybe the inaugural parade can be on bikes…or ..just maybe…
    One day a prez goes to the capitol on a bike to deliver the state O the union.

    Ditch helen thomas,…take the press core on group ride.
    That would sell more bikes than lance’s last 3 wins.
    Should be easy, since gas will be $6 a gallon by the time any of that can happen.

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