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To all motorists who need a lesson in civility and sharing the road with us. Cyclists.
Local cycling enthusiast and road rage sufferer Tom Tiddnam has gone against his wife’s advice and decided to purchase a handgun to carry while biking.
“I’m so sick and tired of being run off the road and almost killed. I need protection,” summarized Tiddnam. “But I really am not interested in carrying around extra weight. I need something deadly but light.”
It’s the age-old quest for the advanced cyclist, shaving off ounces of equipment weight. This quest has single-handedly supported the cycling industry for years. Serious cyclists and posers alike will pay premium prices for lighter equipment. Having lighter equipment allows an athlete to ride slightly faster and farther than they could when they had money stagnating in the bank. For example, recent advancements in carbon fiber technology have made it possible to get the weight of a $4,000 bicycle frame down to a mere two pounds.
I’m wondering what happened. A follow-up would be nice. Can anyone get a hold of this guy??? We aren’t THAT large of a community, but still. (yes, i know it’s Onion-like, but still… It makes me want to buy some nicely engineered german bust-a-cap action.)
—bikepunk.
ps: I would have to buy some lycra, and a road bike…etc…etc… Nope. Not anytime soon. I’ll stick to arguing with granola heads about trail use. No need in getting a gun for those guys. Just throw some bacon at then, and they’ll run crying home and post their emo-shit on peta-dot-com’s forum.
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Tom,
You are kinda dumb. A .32 is bullshit. Smith and Wesson makes a nice Scandium .45 revolver. Pretty light. Pricey. I carry either a Taurus Ti revolver .45 (light) or a Taurus PT45 (DAO, really light). I’ve been carrying the auto a bit more lately as it has double the capacity of the revolver and quicker reloads. Some of the boys carry a “New York reload” (a second gun) but I understand your concern about weight. I don’t think it wise to carry a “light” caliber though. By the time you are ready to use a firearm in personal defense you better mean business. There is no replacement for firepower. They are not toys. Do you ride 20″ wheels? One more thing. My old Uncle used to tell me “Don’t let your crocodile mouth get your chicken ass in trouble”. Carry concealed and act with restraint. If you use your firearm in self defense you WILL get a ride in a police car. If it turns bad for you in court you might spend the rest of your life in jail. Behaving poorly with guns is as bad as behaving poorly with cars. To me they are equal, but the judge, the cops and the media all drive cars (often like assholes) and hate free people who take a stand. The World,according to Pistol…for what it’s worth
Did you read the rest of the article? Jeez, what a dork!
He flips them off to provoke them, then wants a gun to shoot them, then plots cutting spokes off to regain the weight savings. AND HE’S CARRYING A 15 LB SPARE TIRE UNDER HIS WANNABE LYCRA KIT!!!
Shit, this asshat even thinks water is too heavy to carry!
I’m embarrassed that this guy is held up as an example of us to the rest of the world. Fuckwad has way more money than brains.
Maybe if he carried water and drank it, he’d be less grumpy (dehydrated) then he wouldn’t feel the need to flip off every car that drives by too close. The dude is a jackass.
Now that the cyclists carrying guns thing keep coming up these days… The burning question is: Can I get my Glock powdercoated to match my Deep V’s… also which local shooting ranges will allow me to practice track stand target practice?
;)
Guys–
Two awesome ideas here:
1) Bikepunk, if you see me on the trail and wish to throw bacon, please aim for my mouth. Yum.
2) Trackstand target practice. I know a nice clearcut we can ride up into and give it a try.
Mikey
Obviously you guys read the story without reading anything else about the site.
ITS A JOKE SITE LIKE THE ONION.
Bunch of weight-weenie dipshits who can’t see a joke for the trees.
>truly heavy sigh.
Awesome article…
But read this excerpt on the outsourcing bit on the same page.
Oh, and tech novice, so I can’t embed crap, ‘cept maybe your girlfriend…
After vigorously defending corporate outsourcing that has sent more than one million American jobs to other countries in the last two years and after his latest idea of outsourcing the management of six vital American ports to Arab-based Dubai Ports World, President Bush yesterday learned the true meaning of outsourcing.
A little known group of corporate leaders, formed near the end of the Clinton administration to handle the inexperienced George Bush, has over the last six years become a major force in Washington. This private think tank, Corporate Reconsideration of American Policy, in a closed-door session yesterday heard a report from its subcommittee on executive leadership (EL). According to a White House source, President Bush spent more than six hours talking with his father after the report’s findings and recommendations were read to him.
Due to President Bush’s “flagrant disregard for the financial impact his policies are having on the nation and on the world,” the EL report recommends that “activities of the Office of the President should be outsourced immediately.” Particularly telling was an included survey of corporate leaders about President Bush. A total of 92.7 percent reported they would not hire President Bush for any position within their companies. If forced to have him as a corporate employee, 96.4 percent said that position would be outsourced as soon as possible.
Try a Brazillian-made titanium Taurus. My father has one and it’s very nice.
…it kinda got suspect when he talked of “removing” four spokes per wheel, rather buying a new wheelset…
…if yer really gonna carry a piece on yer rides, maybe it should be a heavy old 45 cal. army colt….might make you realize yer actions before you decide to ‘up the ante’…
…lotta big talk & tough guy posturing on this site at times, but like pistolpete sez, even if ya use it in self-defense & it goes bad in court, you’re gonna kiss a life of relative freedom goodbye…
I didn’t catch that the article was from the Onion at first.
I sat there thinking:
“Since when does BSNYC have time to post anywhere other than his own blog? Is this his weekend gig?”
I’m still wondering about it. :) His posts HAVE been running late as of late. Maybe he IS writing for the Onion now and again.
Oh, and nods to Ray. Awesome! LOL!
Nice, I’ve been Bike Punk’d. Thanks for the laugh.
Amazing article! Not true of course, but still a good laugh.
I have found it’s much better to carry my .50 magnum revolver in a holster on my left side. That way the rednecks avoid me in the first place.
And if I have to fire it, I can just shoot the ground and the huge fireball coming out of the barrel is more than enough to scare them off.
Not to mention the article is over 3 years old. Did anyone else see the linkt to the article on Dr. Frankenstein’s poll numbers?
Opus
For what it’s worth, PistolPete is right. There are numerous criminal charges (including potential Federal felony charges) and harsh consequences for folks foolish who dischage firearms inside city limits. It only gets worse if there are other people nearby, and worse still if any of them are affluent. And that’s if you don’t actually hit anybody. Given the current law enforcement bias for motorists and against cyclists (e.g., “cyclist killed, driver not cited”), you should expect exactly zero sympathy from a prosecutor should you shoot out somebody’s livingroom window with kid’s nearby, cuz you got mad when the guy you flipped off ran you into the bushes on your bike. If you don’t like being bullied by drivers, you probably won’t like prison either. And even if you don’t land in prison, it’s pretty assured the prosecutor will find a way to take your gun rights away. I say this having represented several people in court who learned this stuff the hard way. None of them were on bikes, though.
the only gun that i carry when I ride shoots 10 cc’s of man mustard baby… all you need is those salmon spunk lights and a good frame pump and you can Rodney King any motorist that needs it.
Wow- seriously punked.
Arghhhh….