Texans are fucked-up.

No, seriously… I lived there. I know firsthand how crazy they can get. It look as though it runs in the family.

Lance’s Daughter Shows, Tells Olsen

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CLASS CLOWNS Ash, Lance

Most little girls take Barbie dolls to show-and-tell. But not Lance Armstrong‘s daughter. Radar has learned that one of the part-eunuch biker’s young daughters (he has twins) had the honor of taking a more realistic (though slightly less boobtastic) Barbie to her class for observation. Yes, daddy’s lady love Ashley Olsen was recently shown and told about at the young girl’s Texas school.

Not only that, but the linked article talks about him… well read it yourself.

Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey are laughing off questions about their sexuality and rumors that they’re anything more than just pals.

“We tried it. Wasn’t for us,” McConaughey jokes to Details magazine in a new interview that addresses rumors about them – and pal Jake Gyllenhaal – being gay.

Armstrong says his newly-close relationship with McConaughey grew out of the fact that they were both suddenly single at the same time. McConaughey had broken up with actress Penelope Cruz and Armstrong had called off his engagement to singer Sheryl Crow.

“Our friendship just kind of developed,” the cycling champ tells the magazine for its November issue. “He got out of a relationship; I’d just gotten out of a relationship.”

Armstrong, who has known McConaughey for eight years, stresses that despite the raised-eyebrows they’ve gotten due to photos of them – often shirtless – biking, running and partying together, they are just buddies.

If anyone catches Big Jonny and I riding shirtless with a case of Tecate, don’t stop us until the Santorum seeps. Otherwise you’re just jumping to conclusions.

—bp.

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About bikepunk

“Cuts, scrapes, bruises… all in a day’s riding. Then it’s off for some good german beer in a local biergarten.” Munich, Germany

12 thoughts on “Texans are fucked-up.

  1. “If anyone catches Big Jonny and I riding shirtless…”

    I’d shoot first and have a beer second.

    My eyes are still burning from seeing Jonny’s nuts last month.

  2. As long as we dont play the hairy bean bag toss..LOL

    cut off with shots of hairy nut sac hangin out.. thats ol school
    maybe tex-ass style also.. hehe

  3. Dr Ferrari is secretly shipping in anal lube for the two of them to use instead of blood bags…

  4. I can’t help but remember what Armstrong said after he did a Norba XC race many years ago, and how apt it is now regarding Olsen girl, “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
    But what makes more boney clacking noises, a cyclist or a Childwoman?

  5. …i don’t know enough about these situations to leave an informed comment BUT that is a real nice photo of lance & his little gal pal, ashley on the tandem…

  6. Yup – they’re gay as Donny Osmond. And for the Texan poet – your state sucks and I don’t give a texas-sized shit if you ride bikes. Please don’t move to Colorado!

  7. If he fucks them both he is my hero

    But why in the world is he attracted to girls skinnier than he is

    Cheryl and now the littel troll who cant talk well because the acid from her stomach ate away her vocal cords

  8. I can’t lie. Most of us girls are into him because we want to see that half full sack. And it was good like once but I grew out of it.

    I hear his first wife will write a book as soon as the alamony runs out