From the It Sucks To Be Him file . . .

. . . comes this item from The Associated Press:

Man Killed by Gator While Fleeing Police

MICCOSUKEE TRIBE INDIAN RESERVATION, Fla. (AP) — A man who jumped into a lake to flee police was killed by an alligator more than 9 feet long, officials said Tuesday.

The man, whose name has not been released, was allegedly burglarizing a vehicle in the parking lot of the Miccosukee Resort and Convention Center on Thursday. He ran when police arrived at the scene, said Dexter Lehtinen, one of the tribe’s police legal advisors.

Tribal police divers searched for the man that night, then again Friday morning and afternoon. During the third dive, the body was recovered. It bore alligator teeth marks on the upper torso.

The Miami-Dade County Medical Examiner Department said the cause of death was an alligator attack.

The alligator believed to be responsible for the death has been killed. A coroner was scheduled to examine the 9-foot-3 reptile Wednesday for human hair or skin, said Brian Wood, owner of All American Gator Products, which is storing the gator in a cooler for now. It will then be incinerated or buried, he said.

A sign at the lake warns people: ”Danger Live Alligators.” Wood said in other alligator habitats, signs also warn people not to feed the creatures.

”They become too comfortable being around humans and they equate humans to food,” Wood said. ”Generally if a gator sees a person, he goes the other way, he goes down, he hides. This gator was aggressive, not afraid of people.”

Somewhere on a street corner in Philly, a pair of alligator shoes is laughing.

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About Patrick O'Grady

Making stuff up for money since 1977. Making stuff up about cycling for money since 1989. See VeloNews and Bicycle Retailer & Industry News, found crumpled near the crapper in stylish homes and pro bike shops worldwide.

5 thoughts on “From the It Sucks To Be Him file . . .

  1. Why the fuck they kill the gator? It did a better job than the keystone cops they got.

    Fuckin assholes.

  2. why kill the gator? guess you never had fried gator tail!

    gators are nifty, they won’t eat you alive, they drown you stuff you under a log and let you marinate for a few days…
    then they eat you…..

    down here in floriduh, anytime a gator plays chef, they get the
    boot. gator skin boot that is………….

  3. The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

    The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

    The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

    Okay. It isn’t an alligator joke and it isn’t set in Florida but…..well…shit.