Those damn Eagles

First up, we have this video from showing the desperate life of an Eagles fan. The accent, the clothes, the self loathing. It all goes together.

Eagles fans everywhere have apparently given McNabb all of three weeks to come up with the goods.

Frustrated with the Eagles’ last-second 16-13 loss to the Green Bay Packers last Sunday, and with quarterback Donovan McNabb’s failure to single-handedly score three touchdowns, prevent two of his teammates from muffing punts, or block any of Green Bay’s field goals, thousands of Philadelphia fans demanded that McNabb win an NFL championship for Philadelphia sometime within the next three weeks.


My man McNabb ain’t trying to hear that. I guess no one told him the Onion ain’t exacly CNN.

McNabb said: “There’s not that many African-American quarterbacks, so we have to do a little bit extra. … Because the percentage of us playing this position, which people didn’t want us to play this position, is low, so we do a little extra.”

And McNabb said: “I pass for 300 yards, our team wins by seven (and critics say), ‘Ah, he could’ve made this throw, they would have scored if he did this.’ ”


You want to know who had a right to be bitter?


That’s who. Me.

I might as well just save a whole shitload of time, money and energy by beating myself in the forehead with a fucking brick come Sunday mornings instead of actually witnessing the god awful hell which is the Philadelphia Eagles. Throwing myself down a flight of stairs might also do the trick.

Donovan, buddy, listen to me a minute. Win a fucking Championship and stop fucking crying. My crying is fine, even entertaining. Your crying is intolerable. I don’t care if you’re black, white, or blue. But not Giants blue. That’d just be fucked up. Your skin color makes absolutely no difference to us fans. The only thing we care about is winning football games. And that is the only thing you should care about as well. Win football games.

Bring Philadelphia a Championship.

And then, after that, I can die a happy man.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

6 thoughts on “Those damn Eagles

  1. …the good news this week, at least is, you gonna be so blinged out from the show, you ain’t gonna much care what happens on the field…eagles, smeagles…holla…

  2. Wow, the depths of Iggles despair are much deeper than even I imagined!!

    Look, the Lions were the Lions, as advertised (and as I ably predicted). An soothing salve for the Philly fan. Take it at face value and enjoy. They kicked the Dee-toit asses for what they actually are. And the Iggles will have no trouble with the Chicago Sexy Rexies either- another set of sorry pretenders.

    BTW, if you want something to cry about- WTF were those “throwback” uni’s? Wow, now there’s a reason to sear one’s own flesh on the pyre of futility. Yow!

  3. No Sexy Rexy this week…Lovie benched his sorry ass. However, the Lions are still gonna kick the Bears’ in their fuzzy balls…ya can’t win with no offense…at least not two years in a row!

  4. Look, you’re in AZ, it’s not too late to trade the green in for black & gold, nobody will know…

    Just mumble something about pierogis, steel mills & Three Rivers stadium if anyone questions your loyalty.

    3-0 MFer.

  5. Uh-oh. Might be time to take the Bears seriously again. Half a quarterback is better than none at all.

  6. Akers scored more for me in my fantasy league kicking 0 field goals than he did the week before with 4. How cool was that?