Leave it to the Onion…
Non-Doping Cyclists Finish Tour De France
August 30, 2007 | Onion SportsPARIS—A small but enthusiastic crowd of several dozen was on hand at the Tour de France’s finish line on the Avenue des Champs-Élysées Tuesday to applaud the efforts of the 28 cyclists who completed the grueling 20-stage, 2,208.3-mile race without the aid of performance-enhancing drugs.
Enlarge Image Non Doping“This is a very, very proud day for me,” said the 115-pound Kvistik, who lost 45% of his body mass during the event, toppled from his saddle moments after finishing, and had to be administered oxygen, fed intravenously, and injected with adrenaline by attending medical personnel. “They say it is physically impossible to ride all of the Tour without drugs, but we prove them wrong this day.”
“What day is it, anyway?” asked Kvistik, his eyes rolling wildly in his head. “I can no longer tell.”
…Kvistik remains in critical condition at the Hôpital Neuilly-sur-Seine, where he was placed in a medically induced coma to aid his recovery from exhaustion, malnutrition, and loss of bone density. Attending physicians say he is not expected to return to cycling.
Source: theonion.com
bikesgonewild on August 30th, 2007 12:26 pm
…finish like a man, you little pussy !…
bikepunk on August 30th, 2007 1:07 pm
bastards… can’t stop laughing…
M in SC on August 30th, 2007 1:34 pm
Is ‘The Onion’ ever funny?
Bruce on August 30th, 2007 11:26 pm
yes, “The Onion” is quite often funny. unless, of course, you lack the mental capacity to comprehend and appreciate the humor within. probably not in SC though. I understand your predicament. best of luck with that.
Junebug on August 31st, 2007 7:57 am
i love the Onion
Patrick on August 31st, 2007 10:07 am
They were perhaps the only people to successfully figure out how to handle the events of 9-11 in a comedic way. Their headline the next day?:
“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”
M in SC on September 1st, 2007 4:19 am
Thanks Bruce! Nothing quite like an insult from another DC reader. Kind of like being called a retard by another retard…
My MIBS degree from the University of SC thanks you…(look it up)