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More emails:

From: Jim
My admiration of Paul Kimmage’s writing and ethos is diminished by his rude contempt for the “wannabees” who make cycling unique as the spectator sport that’s more than almost any other a spectacle watched by those who also participate. The contempt he pens towards the balding fat guys who labor up l’alp d’Huez or le Mont Ventoux (and, I infer) held redoubled towards those of us who deigned to mount those hallowed summits with four wheels and a piston engine beneath us diminish the magic of this sport in measure not much less than the ultimate price paid by those who cross the “doping” line to ascend to or to remain among its elete.

My own struggle on bike to the crest of Le Col de Croix Fris to await the five (Armstrong, Landis, Ulrich, Klodin, and Basso) who DESTROYED the peleton in 2004, and my Sunday morning “sprint” up the Champs Elysees a few brilliant days later among newfound friends gathered by the tour company that brought us together will remain precious highlights of my life as long as I have the power to remember them.

Mr. Kimmage’s own struggle in l’etap du tour a few years ago should have bestowed on him a bit more tolerance, if not respect, for those of us who crowd the sidelines to watch the bunch sprints, then head off on our too-expensive toys among graying comrades, allowing our Walter Mitty fantasies to get the better of us. We don’t need Mr. Kimmage to remind us we weren’t born with his genes or his grit. That’s all too obvious at the end of 10, or 30, or 60, or even 100 miles in the saddle; yet weekend after weekend, we return to the roads because we love the activity itself as well as those fantasies.

I happen to agree, Jim. You can’t very well look down upon the very public which paid for your racing career. And, in a very real sense, people like me.

From: drunner
Big Jonny,
We’re in the middle of world war in the cycling world (aka doping wars). I’m sorry for cycling fans the truth has come out on another hero(Riis). Let’s get one thing straight, I’m no expert on pro cycling. In fact I’m just an armature fan. That being said, I love bikes, riding bikes, and spectating racing. I love all bikes. Except for comfort bikes, which just look gay and recumbents which are offensive blasphemy.

Cruisers=cool, comfort=gay.

If your going to ride a recumbent, you better have a note from your doctor.

Besides these bikes not being cool, you will never get any pussy. I did an informal poll and 100% of the hot women polled stated they would never spread for a man who rides a comfort bike or a recumbent. They think the riders of the comfort bikes are all catcher (no pitchers, just catchers) and their afraid with the recumbents they’ll have to do all the work.

Back to doping wars.

Admit this to yourself and you supporters Jonny, Nobody, I mean absolutely nobody is coming clean on doping. I’m reading the news flashes daily. Nobody is coming clean. It’s all about spin control. Prevent collateral damage. Cut your losses. These guys should quit cycling immediately and go into politics. Baso smoked but he didn’t inhale. Fuck me. I mean fa a a uck meee. Ulric never doped. He never had sexual relations with that woman. OOOH God dammit. You guys are killing me. What? you doped for a week but you didn’t like the side effects so you quit? HA HA HA HA HA!! OH Fuuuuuck! Please no more, have mercy I cant catch my breath. Ha Ha Ha.

To other political hopeful with apparent Bright futures are McQuaid and Prudhomme. These guys are the best at keeping a straight face while putting bullshit in one of your ears and catching it out the other. These guys are shocked, surprised beyond belief when another rider, team manager, or team doctor admits to the absolute minimal, undeniable, misunderstanding. Oops, did I do that? He has tainted the jersey. Here’s a news flash asshole, all these fuckers are doping. These guys say they want to clean up the sport. Bullshit.
Bullshit. To big an undertaking. Way to late. To many races. To much money. To much legal costs. To much loss of sponsorship.

Jonny. You can help. You can end all this madness. The free world is counting on you.

Here’s what we need you to do. The lid to this whole problem is hidden in Greg Leman’s ass. One word of warning. Mark Spitz, Greg swallows.

Jonny if you can put the lid back on the doping wars, we can get back to racing. It will be a better world for our kids. Good luck and be brave.

Jonny, one last thing. No more skanky whores. Some of these worn out whore you show I cant even get excited about. I mean if I’m going to fantasize I want to think I could at least hit the sides. We like the amateurs that look like they’ve never had their clothes off. Damn.

I don’t like the drugs, but the drugs like me. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

From: Angry White Rider
Big Johnny:
Keep up the good work. Since you seem to be the only voice of reason, I need to share this…

With all these numb nuts bashing each other in the press for Puerto and Landis the one thing that is now clear. No one will give a shit about the 2007 Tour winner. Versus will go to the Tour afterwards and tell them to fuck themselves for the high TV prices and us TRUE-fans will go back to watching it on the weekends with John Tesh on Oxygen network and tracking it daily on velosnooze. Back to the dark days of shitty TV coverage.

Who cares about Lemond anymore since he thinks everyone is dirty right or wrong his songs are old. Floyd, with that chump bag Will proved his is a dipshit. Jack Daniels or not, working with that tool proves you have no judgment.

The Euro punks Priero. Hamilton, Jaschke, and the gang quit tossing rocks at each other claiming to take the high road, no road or unfair journalism. The UCI and WADA are all powerless. You smucks cheated and think that refusing DNA is some moral question. As Dave Z says, they already have your blood and urine from other races you un-educated Euro fucks. The Countries Sports Commissions seem to be the keystone cops pretending they had no idea what was going on while they flirt with riders until the media finally drops a bomb. Then they act scorned to the riders – disavowing them. Yeah right and the 200 t-shirts the guy signed that you auctioned off for rent money didn’t prove you are also a pimp.

The riders are all trying to win and make money and these douche bag doctors and medical fucks play guinea pig with them. Half the euro peloton never took a modern science class in their remote Italian, Spanish or Belgium town. So they have no idea what the shit that’s pumped into themselves will do long term. Live for today I say! The ones that do have an education do the economics: suffering 6 hrs a day for $20K clean or for $200K winning dirty. The saddle time is the same the pay and swank villa ain’t. What road would most people take?

The Basso scenario clearly shows the other Discovery riders knew he was dirty. To the point that some guys will not be back with the team (sponsors or not) since they got burned by the deal and have already signed with other teams. Yeah it is against the UCI rules – suppose to sign after the Tour. But the smart ones figured better to do a deal during the Tour of California/Georgia time frame then wait for the shit to hit the fan later in the year trying a last minute Chris Horner style deal calling 2nd tier teams hoping to get a bike, duffel bag and some McDonald’s vouchers for next year.

Discovery’s biggest rider will not be back since he already signed with a pink team from Germany. Got pissed at LA and the Austin Frat club since they seem to take the short route signed the doper. Alienated the Hard core M’fers who built the Disco train. Disco and LA will claim the “fork in the road/greener pastures deal. The rider will say it was just a better deal. In the end the guy got tired of the BS!

Bjarne is the one of the dirtiest -Tyler, Ivan and himself – he didn’t go from donkey to thoroughbred overnight by using an SRM in 1996. He played by the rules, but deep down he is a thief.

The Tour DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FRANCE will finally get what it wants in the coming years, some French contender since the real studs will all be in trial or suspension. Franco-xenophobic fags will tout the first clean rider in 8 years. Remember your boy Virenque and his Festina crew if anyone was in to stem cell research it was those tools. In the end the die-hards Fans will discount the poor fucker since he won in an “off-year.”

So next year that rich-nuevo cycling geek neighbor with the $8K Trek – will not know who won ToC and will be back playing golf. The rest of us, will be bitter cycling fans hoping to see 10 minutes of a race next year on G4 TV or some other half ass network.

I will still be riding. But, Floyd, Tyler, Ivan, Jan, the 37 other Puertos – You won’t. So in the end we win – we’re still riding.

(Only unanswered question. How did Floyd get a hot wife?)

How’d he get a hot wife? His pockets are mad fat.

Or, they were.

hey there, i am a local guy training to ride 550 miles for the California AIDS ride next month. i’ve got 3 weeks to raise a TON of money for a great cause, & I need of some help. would you mind throwing up this link & ask readers to help raise some last-minute dollars for me: your
help is GREATLY appreciated!

Good think I didn’t read his email till right before his event starts, eh?

Damn. Am I lazy or something?

And, finally, this one:

One of my buddies who races pro in Europe and has won stages of the Tour & Giro told me ” Of course there is no way of racing a tour without drugs” in a ‘ why the hell would they ( the public) think otherwise’ tone of voice.

Not saying Europeans are that much more savvy with what’s going on but it seems that most Americans, bike racers & non, are incredibly naive about doping.

“Incredibly naive” is a good way to say it. People really have no idea what pro cycling is all about.

No idea at all.

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About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure. Flagstaff, Arizona, USA

3 Replies to “Emails”

  1. Whether Floyd Landis’ wife is “hot” or not may be debatable, but his pockets were very flat indeed when she married him. Don’s accuse her of being a gold digger , it’s not at all fair.